Sad-turday

Imagine me looking 5 years younger..no wrinkles, no spectacle,cheerful face,

slimmer like "tiang gol"..

Workplace has this initiation rite which I like to call the 'Surprise! You're Working This Weekend!' ritual. It consists of Boss giving you an assignment which needs to be (surprise surprise) cleared by Monday Morning which culminates in her piercing you with her beady eyes while saying,"You can come in to work tomorrow, right?"

What I'm trying to say is not that I hesitated a nanosecond before giving her the expected "Yes, of course!" in a chipper please-don't-cut-my-bonus tone while thinking of possible implications of my saying "No, I have a LIFE Goddamnit!" (E.g., dismemberment, being thrown out of her window, being dismembered before being thrown out her window).

No, what I'm trying to say is that I like being stuck in the office on a Saturday morning during which I should, in a Fair Universe, still be in bed.

Sans Boss who can, very very occasionally show glimpses of human parentage, I like my job. I've still got enough new-blood-fresh-meat enthusiasm about it. There are times when I can fool myself into thinking that what I do will really affect how things go in this place we call home.

Then, eight years later, the sharp fangs of reality bites.

Talking to a couple of friends over lunch and my other half over dinner, we all concurred that working in Malaysia's keparat sector has somewhat exposed us to information that proves ignorance is really bliss. Sure, we sort-of knew in a way that this was the way Things Are Run in Malaysia, but that was like knowing that your Mom was once a hippie. You believed it, you've seen the pictures, but you weren't actually there.

And now things happen at work which lets us know that yeah, this is the way it works in this country, and no, there ain't no way you can change it. Contracts get decided on the basis of who you know and rules and policies are bent and sometimes ignored because somebody made a call to someone high-up. And sometimes, believe it or not, the way things are will affect you, sooner or later. And not just in some high-concept this-will-never-happen-to-me sort of way. It's like living in a building whose foundation you know is completely rotten, but the architects keep on adding floors and beautifying the facade in the hopes that you'll be lulled into a false sense of security.

Sheesh.

Get it into your heads, people. Just in the case of patrotism, loving your country does not make you blind to its faults. And please, lets not equate this wonderful land we call home with the people we supposedly elected to run it.

A humble apology

I’m truly sorry. To my loved ones, whom I’ve ignored and cold shouldered over the last few weeks and months (you know who you are), I hope you will forgive my bluster and prickly edges. I know how nasty and resentful I sound, even though I know you’re just trying to reach out to me. I cannot take you on right now, even if you’re only trying to distract me, or even though your problems are a lot bigger than this patch of self pity. If it were 6 months ago, I would be there, at your side, ready to slay the dragons. But not right now.

I’m trying to resolve this, but it seems like an insurmountable mountain. I still love you, I truly do. But I need space right now, and I hope you understand. I don’t know if the space is good for me, whether it will help me get over my disgusting self whining, and I trust you to know that you want what’s best for me. If you have any other methods, please try them, but be prepared for me to resent you for it. For now, anyway.

If I’m sharp and quiet and disagreeable, please bear with me, or stay away for now. I know its very selfish and a lot to ask, but I hope that you’ll still be there once this phase blows over.
Sometimes, I feel like crying, for no good reason. Like now, as I’m writing this.

It IS self pity, I know, and I hold it back for as long as I can. And if I finish this now, maybe the welling will stop.

My thoughts are disjointed. I hope this makes sense. I am, again, so sorry.

heaven on earth..i love this weather

We here in Malaysia have been blessed by the tropical weather where we have weeks of rainy seasons more than you can count in a year. While everybody was bemoaning this, I was reveling in it. I love rainy weather.

I love the sound of rain, I love the feel of rain and I love the scent of rain. I love to hear the sound the rain makes on tree leaves, and the sound it makes falling on the road outside...

I love all types of rain--from torrential downpours to fine misty drizzle,I have kept this fact to myself, because my friends look at me like I'm crazy when I mention it.We have had a one month of extreme sunshine and then luckily the past two days the skies turned gray, a gentle breeze began to blow and this afternoon the rain started.

I was quietly ecstatic.

Since I'm a very analytical person I have been thinking of why I love rainy weather so much.After thinking about it a great deal, I have come to this conclusion...I grew up in KL my whole life. The congested city has always been hot and sticky, especially if you have to walk around downtown area, you can just take a tissue and wipe off your face. You'll see oily black dirt on your tissue, so you'll know how polluted it is this city i called my home. So, when it rains in KL, which normally very heavy, that's why they called it banjir kilat, i feel so happy coz the rain washes away all de bad smoke from the city. Without rain there's no food, no water, no clean atmosphere.

When i went back to my Tok's house in Kedah, the house had a tin roof and a large front porch. When the weather was stormy I would go out on the front porch, which faced the east, take the settee and two matching chairs and turn them upside down with their bottoms facing the outside of the porch. I would then pull out two old quilts hand-made by my Tok using leftover fabrics (Melayu punye patchwork) and cover the chairs and settee with them. I would also take another old quilt and pillow and place them inside my "snuggy bug." I would crawl in there with my book or magazine.

I would lie in there with my back to the old logs and if I had made my nest close to the only window that was on the front porch, I could hear my mom and my Tok puttering around in the kitchen on the other side of the house.I would read my book or magazine and every so often lift the quilt up to peak out at the weather. It's hard to express the feeling of peace, safety, sanity and security that this made me feel.

Outside my little nest the weather could be raging, but I was in a nest in a safe place that had been built many many years ago with my back to those ancient logs...

So even these many years later when it rains or the skys turn gray, I feel peaceful.If I'm anxious or stressed, I close my eyes and remember..........

no more slope

This just in: The overruling emotion of motherhood is not love, it is guilt. Pure, unadulterated guilt that is magnified ten-fold if you happen to be a working mother. If such a condition is self-inflicted, kindly multiply by another hundred- thats how i feel everytime i have to go to classes, ignore them calling me to play with them, coming back late from work everyday...

I have finished my managerial econ paper. At de beginning, the class was - almost 20. Then it shrinked to almost half. The remaining members were actually demotivated when the rest decided to pulled out due to personal reasons, i can tell. I mean, yeah.. we too without doubt have our own personal and work problems to overcome. But, we dont think to quit is the best option. Definitely a big NO NO for me and the remaining..err 10, i guess..if we stop now, it would be forever to start back. But Im not gonna judge their reasons. Ppl have their own reasons of doing things. Lets mind our own business shall we.

its tough..no deny abt it. But living with challenges makes us more human i suppose. to cope with difficult situation. life ain't easy. But these eventually will make us to be a better person and appreciate de great things dat we had in life. Especially de small2 ones dat we tend to ignore before. I appreciate my short time with my family even better. I now understand what my mom has gone thru when she did her master 17 years ago in other country with 2 kids wif her (my dad was not able to come and so as my big bro). A lot of courage, determination, perseverance, and many many of- u name it..i couldnt list them all.

Managerial econs is harder than i thot it would be. To understand is one thing, bt to be able to write well and put down ur thoughts nicely on dat piece of paper is totally different. Maybe Im getting older, I dont know. Its different than degree time. Bt i love every single bit of it.

i love the fact that I am challenging myself to do more. You dont actually realized that you can even get to the first lap of the race..dats how i feel with econs.. and yet, u've made it.
but, the race is not over yet. im not even half way to the finish line yet..another a year and a half to go..I hope God give me the strength to outwit and outlast this. after all, nobody push me to do it. Ive been wanting to further my study since ages.

i first applied master in corp comm. coz i thot i wanted to learn communication. i got in. bt on de day dat i was suppose to register, i found out i was preggie with nadyne. so i decided not to go. lets concentrate on her first. with no experience on motherhood, i better put my mind on her 1st. later, comes alkaff. and then somehow last year, i have the urge to apply..bt i decided why not mba..i can still do corporate comm & pr and have my mba. at least if i want to go back and do marketing or market research, i can still cross the road and do it.

With a degree in marketing, worked with hypermarket and a factory before, from marketing and now PR..its interesting how i jumped from one ship to another. So these different kind of experience and challenges give me the ability to adapt wif different environment easily. Ive never work with financial industry yet..dun think im interested to, hehe..coz im still liking ICT industry a lot.

i think anyone who took mba, while working and having family to attend to, wud agree with me on this..

the challenge is not about absorbing the knowledge bcoz ur mind works like vacuum, u basically can fill in the think tank.. the challenge is to cope with the stress of nt being able to concentrate on the books bcoz of different other imprortant things dat u have in life. And off course, family is alwiz at top of the list. The word 'multitasking" should be deleted permanently from oxford dictionary. who can multitask? we're not the incredibles. there is no such thing as doing 3 or 5 things simultaneously. the key word is actually prioritizing. its a big P challenge for me.

so, i salute those who had completed their mba..its not easy i know. they can pay me 50k but i will not spend the next 2 years of my life and do it again. i couldnt wait for this to be over. Mostly bcoz i miss my kids. i miss going to my parents house on weekend. Going for pasar with hubby. cooking and baking. watching tv, off course. meeting up my friends. go karaoke, makan or bitching. off course shopping (bt provided with monies).

and most importantly i think my husband is de best husband in de world (i know i sound so poyo) but dats how i feel at this moment. He has been very supportive, taking care of de kids day and night despite his busy schedule in the office too.

I am singing this christina aguilera song- I turn to you. I know he hates me singing, but i dont care..haha..

the video can be watched here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z4q05resEvc

one day if i look back, im sure sure i'll be sayin' this is all worth it.

The Big Three O

Tomorrow is my 30th birthday. Getting old is one of those things--like marriage and childbirth and standing in line at the grocery store--that happens to everyone but feels particularly significant when it is happening to you, which makes the triteness of the feelings involved sort of maddening.

As I celebrate another of my yearly birthday with my beloved ones, which brings me to that auspicious milestone as one of the woman who is celebrating her 30 years in this universe. I actually feel as if I am right between 52 and 54. I feel old.

So, yeah, for the last week, even though I know birthdays are meaningless constructions and etc., I was feeling all those totally cliché feelings associated with not-being-as-young-as-you-used-to-be, and worrying that the best of it was behind me, and that I had failed some really important test, and yeah. You know. Or if you don't, you will.

But then, I have promised myself this month that I am trying to be more positive. So, I realized that a person only comes to this stage of life once, so I am going to make the most of it.

This year I plan celebrating my 30th birthday. I figure it's my birthday, so I should be able to celebrate whichever way I please. Thirty is the perfect age.

At 30, you are over the hill and yet you are far enough from those turbulent teenage years not to be mistaken by anyone for a teenager (unfortunately new people in my life still look surprise when I said I’m married with 2 kids). Everybody knows that 31 is already slowly descending the hill and it is all down hill from there. However, it can be a pleasant slide into those golden years, so they tell me.

I have come to this conclusion. When a person passed 30, they should celebrate their birthday every other year, then, after 50 only celebrate their birthday whenever they remember it. It will cut down on the fire hazard some birthday cakes pose. A person should only be as old as the birthdays they can remember.

Lying about one's age has become an acceptable practice for many. Women, in particular, have mastered the finesse in this area. After all, what man in his right mind (if you can find one in his right mind) would ever accuse a woman, especially his wife, of fibbing here?

As long as there are stretch marks, people will stretch the truth about their nativity. Beware of the person who does not lie about their age. They are trying to throw you off guard for something.

Men can lie about their golf game, or how big the fish that got away was but when it comes to their age, women have them beat, hands down. Men have never mastered the technique crucial to lying about how many candles should go on that annual cake.

Men have a ridiculous notion that getting older is good. 'I'm 65 and still can do the work of any 25-year-old,' is the boast you often hear from the male populous. Most women will never admit to being 65, let alone comparing themselves to some 25-year-old.

This brings me to a very important inquiry: How to tell you're getting old. After all, old is relative - only your relatives are getting old.

The first telltale sign of getting older is that you begin to notice certain changes around you. For example, when I first began reading this newspaper they printed it in nice bold type. Now they are using much smaller print.

I think the change relates to some economical concern the publisher has. After all, smaller type means they can print more words per page. If the trend continues, they will be able to print the entire newspaper on one page.

Another sign I have recently noticed is that stairs have become steeper. A couple of years ago I barely noticed them. However, a conspiracy is in the wind. Not only are they steeper but some unscrupulous person has added steps to all the stairs in my vicinity.

We must put together a special task force immediately before any more steps are added. A danger here, and I don't want to be an alarmist, is that eventually staircases will never end and they will go absolutely nowhere.

Is it me or are people playing music much louder than they used to? I'm not sure of the reason for this annoying change, but I believe someone has been slowly increasing the volume, thinking nobody will notice. But I have noticed, so please stop it, whoever you are.

To compound this problem many people are talking much faster than they used to, especially the under 20 group. That may explain why I never get what I order at a drive-thru restaurant.

Then, the week seems to go by so much faster. I can remember when I was in school the week just dragged on and on. I thought it would never end.

Now, I no sooner get adjusted to Monday and its Friday already. Whatever happens to Tuesday through Thursday? Where do those days go?

I almost forgot (my memory is not what it used to be), I would like to say something nice about losing your memory. My grandmother always said that if you could not say something nice about someone you should not say anything at all.

So, let me say something nice about the marvelous phenomena of forgetfulness. Ah ... I'm sorry. I forgot what I was going to say.

Age does have its advantages: free checking, 10 percent off at most restaurants, and not remembering what you had for dinner last night which enables you to have desert two days in a row without feeling guilty.

Everybody grows old but not many people grow up. This is a major problem not only in general but also in many organizations including mine. Some people are not growing up, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, you named it.

Each day brings with it opportunities to grow. Take advantage of it today and enjoy getting older. Not to worry too much about everything. Take one step at a time.

So today, I’ll share this with you, on my 30^th birthday. And I will sing it out on one fine day for you. May the force be with you, me and everyone, always...this is to cheer you up on your 30^th. Like it did to me. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QiGp0NcR-Io

As the wet season passed...

I should have known that the rain was not going to last forever here. Sigh.

Last month was a very wet and rainy month. I liked it, actually. I'm going to miss walking around in a thick sweater and then my feet would be so cold that my toes were on the verge of falling off their sockets. I love tosleep during rainy days and hide under my blanket.

The past few days have been very hot and I'm not liking it at all, partly because the climate changed drastically dramatic, or dramatically drastic, whatever. One day it was wet and rainy and cold, and the next day, bam! Hot as an oven. I mean, if the weather changed progressively from cold to hot, I wouldn't mind. But I guess that I've been liking the cold weather for the past month too much that the drastic change of the weather turned my shock into something else.

God, I've been sleeping without covering myself with a blanket or a duvet for the past few days, hence exposing my bare skin to those mosquitoes. The night gets hot enough to sweat in your own bed! Well, what to do? Malaysia is unlucky enough to be placed on the equatorial line of the world, the part of the Earth that is closest to the sun. Siiiiggghhhh. I'm already missing the clouds dominating the whole blue sky, not a single speck of the colour blue when you look up, blocking the sun.

I just hate the hot weather. Who doesn't, right? But yeah, despite all that, after about more than a month of cold and rainy days, it's kind of uplifting to see the sun again :)

It is officially the last month of 2009. I am stoked at how fast time flies. Really now. It feels like as if it was only yesterday that I washed away 2008. And now it's time to wash away 2009. It's been a bittersweet year but overall, it had been nice.

Now, I'm not wondering what's to offer in 2010 but more on what this last month is going to be like before the new year.

Speaking of which, it has passed my mind that some people say that life has already been written and whatever that happens, are by fate and destiny. The others believe that YOU and I write the stories of our lives and things happen because of how we decide and what actions we take.

So which boat are you? Life is written for you? or You write your life?

If you'd ask me, I'd say that it is a mysterious mixture of both and it is that mystery that makes life interesting. But that's just my view. It could be wrong, It could be right.

So! Getting back to what I've been talking about, the soon-to-be ending year 2009. As always, I don't make resolutions for every beginning of every year. But I choose to do the opposite. So this year:

1. People have gone away. New acquaintances are made. And these ongoing process has made me learn new things about people. Some ways, good. Some ways, bad.

2. I broke a promise I made to myself. Apparently, it's very hard to keep a promise, even when it is just for yourself. Go figure.

3. I chopped my hair. I think I still love having long hair. I have a feeling this short-hair phase is not going to last long. I think I have a scalp problem. My scalp is so dry which i think due to my lack of drinking habit, the food i eat, the weather, or the shampoo. I am still trying to figure out. But for now, short hair makes me look 5 years younger and hubby like it..so why not.

4. My temper has gradually increase and I'm much more impatient. I need to start remembering back who i used to be and learn to channel my anger and frustration in a more positive manner (that includes to reduce bitching, stereotyping and cursing)

5. We lost a few family members this year. Many are still grieving. To think about them makes me teary. But God has His own plan for each of us. I believe this.

6. I am happy of the achievements that others around me have accomplished and looking forward for my turn.

7. Ive started schooling (a lot of sacrifice made) and so is my 4 years old daughter. I noticed that she inherits my lack of self confidence but I pray and I am very confident that she will be better than me in her life. I love her too much.

8. We have moved to our own crib, it is pretty much empty but I am happy that we have a roof to sleep and build our family

9. I pray that my parents will have a healthy life ahead

10. I suddenly have nothing much to write in my list... I can't remember anything now. Maybe not much happening in 2009. I will be 30 this month. That's scary.

My decision is to stop here and leave this list hanging for the moment until I can decide what is the next move for me in 2010.

Non, je m'en fiche! or J'en ai rien à foutre! or ça m'est égal!

Since my training application was rejected on the basis that the house does not allow many people from one department to attend the same training, which I think is the most stupid excuse eva becoz when it comes to training & development needs for employees, you need to think hard whether t&d exists just as a lame function or is it de main passion of the house to groom its people for them to have better knowledge and contribute back to achieve the overall objective of the co? (btw, its only cost RM4k..for god sake)

on the other hand, her application was approved-( are u f***ing kidding me?...she is too lazy to even draft her own email...)

so, what makes you think that when I got the sms on saturday noon from her, asking me to draft an urgent press release on unsolicited sms that I will voluntarily be happy to do it?

Honestly, I have no problem doing it..I can even do it in less than an hour. But..........

NO, IM NOT GONNA DO IT, this time around..Its a BIG FAT NO from moi. Eat that!

From now on..i would like to declare to the entire industry that I have sedekahkan all my PCs at home to the orphanage and also safely returned de broadband modem to its rightful owner..

So, no more unpaid work for me on weekend ever again :) unless you are willing to give me your perks and half of your 14k salary :)

its your job to work on de weekend..thats why you have the honor to have that title on your door ..plus, your super duper blackberry tool which you keep on staring even on bed.please realize that it comes with a function..TO DO WORK!

but not moi...i am a free woman now :D i don't work for free k.

p/s: btw, my other half was telling me.".just ignore any incoming work sms on weekend..but dont complaint much..u r just a nobody there.."

oklah, im just a nobody..so im acting like one...chiowww..hehe

When the going gets tough

Yeah, I don’t really have anything to say. But I feel like having an Author’s Note, so here you go. Yes, I am insane at the moment. But you’ll have that.

Let me begin by telling you all that I am a complete mess. I will be 30 soon and yet, no accomplishment.

I know this, and I have long since accepted it. I am twenty-nine and I work with a regulator. Now, by saying just that one sentence my life doesn’t sound like total crap. Nothing sounds as prestigious as the words “regulator.” Well, maybe architect or doctor sounds more intelligent…but anyway, that is not the point.

The point is that, yes, I do work with a regulator, but as an assistant director, corporate comm. A bleeding corporate communications officer, can life be more pathetic? Moreover, I am not even “the” assistant director. I am more like an assistant to a director because we slave ourselves to the directors who have so-called overseas college degrees and claimed to have knowledge about law of mankind.

Seriously, could life be any worse? I am not even a qualified PR practitioner (my background is in Marketing) who always feel miserable every time I have to draft a release or media query! I am like the understudy to a monster Corporate Comm Director…and I even feel that I suck at that job. I got a B for my English SPM paper and my grammar is even worse than a form one student.

And if it were just the job thing then I suppose that life would not be so bad. I mean, loads of people hate their jobs and still get on all right in life, right? But, no, there are many, many other things wrong as well. To start, I am afraid to take risk and take more responsibilities in my life. I am lazy to face new challenges.

And as if all this wasn’t enough, there is yet another reason why my life is a mess. I realized my mistakes but I dont know how to start to change or to correct them. I wish I have some sort of a magic map that will tell me which way to go, what should i do next...

I always complaint that I need to look pretty and well groomed, but Im always lazy to make myself look pretty..I dont have the guts to invest my money for any spa treatment, trimming, facial, even a simple hair cut..hish...

I always complaint and complaint how i hate my boss, my job..but i never succeed in getting a new job for the last 6 months of my life..

I always complaint that I need to make more money for my kids' future and their education or even some for my own savings, but i never bother think wat I can do to earn extra bucks for all dat.

Getting dat straight As in SPM or earning a second upper for undergrad school- means absolute nothing..it used to mean sumthing..now its nothing to be proud of..

i just make enuff living to pay my bills...but i am doing sumthin which I am not happy anymore with and stuck in the big black hole with the wrong people..

no accomplishment..no nothing...at 10.29 pm, 25th of november 2009...

well, except.... my two beautiful kids. I love them so much and they are the best thing dat ever happened to me in my entire life.

A break from being dat bubble skirt’s slave would be absolutely heavenly. I need an unexpected vacation which I happen to think that I deserve one, really. I pray hard, I pray very2 hard..that one day Allah will listen.. and He will finally reward me for everything else that is wrong in my life.

Sorry that I said things which Im not suppose to say..Sorry for thinking that way...I know now what I should say, to whom I should say it only..

I am sorry dat I let you down by letting me down.

I am feeling Gin Blossoms, follow you down at this moment..so here it goes..

Did you see the sky
I think it means that we've been lost
Maybe one less time is all we need
I can't really help it if my tongue's all tied in knots
Jumping off a bridge, it's just the farthest that I've ever been
Anywhere you go, I'll follow you down
Anyplace but those I know by heart
Anywhere you go, I'll follow you down
I'll follow you down, but not that far
I know we're headed somewhere, I can see how far we've come
But still I can't remember anything
Let's not do the wrong thing and I'll swear it might be fun
It's a long way down when all the knots we've tied have come undone
Anywhere you go, I'll follow you down
Anyplace but those I know by heart
Anywhere you go, I'll follow you down
I'll follow you down, but not that far
How you gonna ever find your place
Running in an artificial pace
Are they gonna find us lying face down in the sand
So what the hell now, we've already been forever damned
Anywhere you go I'll follow you down...

understanding human behaviour

So, I've been attending emba classes for 3 months.. now the part 1 is over. On top of gaining new knowledge and meeting up new group of people, I am extremely miffed!

On the subject of teacher, a favorite author of mine, Neil Postman. Who in his 1995 essay ‘The error of our ways’ wrote:

“All that is necessary is that at the beginning of each course, the teacher address students in the following way:

During this term, I will be doing a great deal of talking. I will be giving lectures, answering questions, and conducting discussions. Since I am an imperfect scholar and, even more certainly, a fallible human being, I will inevitably be making factual errors, drawing some unjustifiable conclusions, and perhaps passing along my opinions as facts. I should be very unhappy if you were unaware of these mistakes. To minimize that possibility, I am going to make you all honorary members of Accuracy in Academia. Your task is to make sure that none of my errors goes by unnoticed.

At the beginning of each class, I will, in fact, ask you to reveal whatever errors I made in the previous session. You must, of course, say why these are errors, indicate the source of your authority, and, if possible, suggest a truer or more useful or less biased way of formulating what I said. Your grade in this course will be based to some extent on the rigor with which you pursue my mistakes. And to ensure that you do not fall into the torpor that is so common among students, I will, from time to time, deliberately include some patently untrue statements and some outrageous opinions.

There is no need for you to do this alone. You should consult with your classmates, perhaps even form a study group that can collectively review the things I have said. Nothing would please me more than for one or several of you to ask for class time in which to present a corrected or alternative version of one of my lectures.”

Why he said this? Because in his blog- Overcoming bias blog has a post about his favorite professor, who had a habit of intentionally lying in class. Why? To force people to both pay attention and to think critically about what the professor was saying.

:) Interesting. That gives a reason why teacher should lie.

Dysfunctional Management

Like a car with an engine that can't fire on all cylinders, a business that's dysfunctional may move forward for a while. But eventually it stops running.

Companies don't start out maladjusted, of course. It just tends to happen over time.

The hallmark of a dysfunctional organization is a gap between reality and rhetoric.

When resources are not used effectively or fairly, when plans are heavy on talk but weak on action or when barriers to communication cripple performance, you're dealing with a dysfunctional company.

Once diagnosed, the corrosive effects of such problems can be corrected. But make no mistake: It's neither easy nor immediate. You need to be tough-minded about identifying the source, particularly because it often starts at the top, where the power resides.

Here is a good article highlighting telltale signs that your company is unhealthy and some possible ways to get it well again. Do check out this article from business coaching at http://businesscoaching.typepad.com/the_business_coaching_blo/2008/08/dysfunctional-management-when-management-doesnt-manage.html (paste below) as well as another good article http://www.iim-edu.org/dysfunctionalleadershipdysfunctionalorganizations/index.htm from IIM. I love reading HR issues after Ive completed my part 1 of EMBA which exposed me to HR and OB issues.

DYSFUNCTIONAL MANAGEMENT: When Management Doesn't Manage

I've seen dysfunctional management a few times and it's never a pretty sight. The senior managers run around like headless chickens coming up with initiative after initiative while team members stand around in confusion.

Working back through my old copies of the Accountancy magazine I found an article by Tom Barry, European managing director of BlessingWhite, a global consultancy firm specialising in leadership development.BlessingWhite have identified four signs of dysfunctional management:

1. Silent dissent: The boss says "Everyone always agrees with me and that makes me uneasy."
2. Facts without meaning or context: "All I get is data, but not much insight."
3. Lack of passion. "We focus so much on competence that the senior team never gets emotionally charged up."
4. Inertia. "All we do is talk about results but we don't change the way we do things."

BlessingWhite deal with big companies so it's inevitable that with my focus on small businesses, I have a different perspective.

No Debate

Certainly the first point is interesting and in the owner-manager businesses the situation can be even worse than in a larger corporate environment where there is a proper board with highly competent individuals.

The article makes the point that highly charismatic and driven executives often cause their own difficulties because of a reluctance to enter into a debate about what they firmly believe to be true. While they may complain that no one challenges their thinking, they make it clear that contrary views are not welcome.

Samuel Goldwyn (US movie mogul) is quoted as saying "I don't want yes-man around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their jobs."

There is also a concept called groupthink which Wikipedia defines as "type of thought exhibited by group members who try to minimize conflict and reach consensus without critically testing, analyzing, and evaluating ideas."

Potentially this will become a much bigger problem as the economy gets tougher and the management teams try to pull together to fight against the world. In the search for a solution in a stressful situation, management teams may rally around one particular idea and unconsciously block out any contradictory evidence.

Irving Janis devised seven ways of preventing groupthink

1. Leaders should assign each member the role of “critical evaluator”so that each member can express objections and doubts.
2. More senior management should not express an opinion when assigning a task to a group.
3. The organization should set up several independent groups to work on the same problem.
4. All effective alternatives should be examined.
5. Each member should discuss the group's ideas with trusted people outside of the group.
6. The group should invite outside experts into meetings to hear their thoughts and answer their questions.
7. At least one group member should be assigned the role of Devil's advocate, which should be a different member for each meeting.

The Importance of the Numbers

Peel away the layers at I'm still an accountant so I do like to see my numbers but too often with small businesses, the numbers do not exist in any meaningful form.Performance is not measured.The key economic drivers of the business are not understood, monitored or managed and this is why I believe in the concept of part time finance directors.

Lack of Passion = Lack of Direction = Inertia

Lack of passion isn't usually a problem for the small businesses I encounter unless the owners have also lost direction for the business.If you don't know where you are going, it is impossible to be passionate about the future. Yes you can certainly still get worked up about the daily frustrations and irritations but without the vision of the future, the business drifts along.

Don't Want Dysfunctional Management? So What Is Management?

Bad management is usually easy to see so it merits revisiting thinking that comes from a management great of the late eighteenth, early twentieth century - Henri Fayol.

Henri Fayol identified six managerial activities

1. Forecasting - predicting what will happen in the future.
2. Planning - devising a course of actions to meet the expected demand.
3. Organising - mobilising resources, allocating tasks.
4. Commanding - providing direction and motivation. Managers must know the tasks and the people.
5. Coordinating - making sure that resources are working towards a common goal.
6. Controlling - monitoring progress to ensure that plans are being carried out properly.

It sounds as sensible now as it must have done one hundred years ago although we would substitute leading for "commanding". The context may have changed, the technology has changed but these six fundamental principles remain the cornerstones of management.

Applying Henri Fayol's Principles to Dysfunctional Management

A management team may be dysfunctional because it fails to look into the future. It doesn't carry out the strategic environmental reviews that would helps it to see the changes on the horizon, identify opportunities and threats and then take the necessary actions.

A management team may be dysfunctional because it fails to decide what it wants to do or even if it knows where it wants to take the business, it doesn't then translate that vision into actions steps and priorities.

A management team may be dysfunctional if it produces the plan but fails to recognise the resource limitations and constraints it has. Knowing what to do but not being able to do it because of a shortage of skilled resources does not move the business forward.

Even with the right people in place, a management will be dysfunctional if it fails to communicate the direction and strategy to the team, doesn't cascade goals down the business and doesn't provide incentives and motivation to achieve the vision.Sometimes dysfunctional management teams will try to communicate to their teams but the messages are twisted in the process, setting one function against another rather than clearly working on a path to the common goal.F

inally a dysfunctional management team may fail in its control function. Without feedback to reinforce proper action and correct inappropriate action, a check that the intended and implemented actions lead to the expected results and monitor to make sure that the competitive environment remains in line with expectations, there is no certainty that goals will be met or the vision achieved.

As German General, Helmuth von Moltke said "No battle plan survives contact with the enemy". It is the control process that keeps you on track, allows you to adapt and even question whether the objectives of the original plan are still relevant.

Avoiding Dysfunctional Management

Henri Fayol's principles of management may be very old but they remain a great place to start when thinking about the management of your business or reviewing the management practices of a client business.

This is it

This is what i wish to write http://www.gobalakrishnan.com/quit-my-job/

And i pray that i will have the courage and wisdom to do this.

To be brave enough to move forward and not afraid to look back. To be a risk-taker and a true performer to myself, hubby and kids.

The zen of being a corporate slave

I must learn to accept disappointments.

I must learn to accept crap stories, dysfunctional manager.

I must learn to adjust my hearing latitude and let my brain to digest 1 or 2 hours stories about any of their accomplishments and how every single drop of water is coming from their think tanks. No one else's idea is comparable to it.

I must learn the true meaning of management meeting. It’s about spinning stories, endless stories which can be compiled as a research paper. It’s also about sitting down for 1 or 2 hours listening to them discussing about menu, seating arrangement, color of the design, what the people in the poster should wear, instead of what should we do to improve our strategies, what is the decision on this issue, how to improve organization's performance, increase employee morale and satisfaction, create empowerment, and similar to that..

I am still learning all these, and I will never be ever to figure out why. I don't want to know why.

Am I the only one who feels like this? Or are there many others who feel like this.

I feel funny. I am horrified, annoyed and feel like that this is funny. Most things in life are funny. These people look extremely comical. I smirk at the whole situation. They looked serious. But I continue to grin anyway. I feel so pleased with what I've accomplished so far, not much though, but I thank God and pray that I will not end up to be like anyone of them.

Anyway, I haven't blogged anything of substance lately. I'm getting bored of alot of things cause I seem to be on a road that leads to nowhere at work. I'm waiting for something to change my life. Do I wait for something to change my life or do i do something to change my life? Answer is pretty obvious but I'm gonna pretend like I don't know and let it sink in slowly....

I have always dream of a break. Now that I finally have one, I don't know how to enjoy it. Funny right? I am still awake at 1 am, and tomorrow is a working day. If you know me well, I am off to bed as early as 9 pm. Something weird is happening to me lately. I think too much. I should not be thinking. I need this break. I should be enjoying this moment that I’ve been wanting for the last 3 months. What's wrong with me?

I still haven't found my mojo. Assuming I had it in the first place. Please pray for me. I need my mojo back. I need it to gain back my momentum. To those who are happy working, enjoy it while it last.

It's not a good bye

Broken windows and empty hallways
A pale lit moon in a sky streaked with gray
Human kindness is overflowing
And I think it's gonna rain today...

Remember this song from the movie Beaches? They played it after Hilary died, and it's running through my head on this gloomy, rainy day as I prepare to say farewell to the most jovial and funny chic. No, nobody is dead. Its a farewell for a good friend in the office.Her time to leave the organization has come. She has been praying and praying for a better offer. well, I guess, once the offer fall on her lap, the inevitable can no longer be postponed.

When I think of Effa, I' ll always remember our routines. It has always been Sha, Effa and Me.

Us, sitting in Effa's Super-Savvy (with its funny sound)...bitching about life at works, funny people that we met, how hungry we are and how we look forward for lunch break..and many many more.

Effa just joined us early this year. But her attitude makes us feel that we've known her for years.

She is . . . one of those people who others gravitate towards. She is warm, friendly and there is no doubt that she works in the people field, caring for others because she genuinely cares. Yeah, this is how I came to know Effa. When I needed assistance and help during a couple rough times, she was one of the first person who will always be there, lending her helping hand. When Sha just needed someone she could talk to… about anything… Effa was there to listen, without judging.

At heart, I knew she is a good person despite her crazy personality and her panic attitude which we find very amusing. And I knew she is a good friend and colleague, because Effa is not a selfish person. She is not a type of person who will say no if you needed her help which I think is a rare quality which is not easy to find in a colleague. It makes Effa, a truly unique person and you are very intrigue to have her around you. She knows how to light up a room and makes people feel very much comfortable to just be with her.

We will truly miss her a lot when she no longer in the office. Effa that I know, she can be stupidly funny without her knowing and yet a very honest and helpful person at the same time.

Today, on her last day, she keep on saying "thank you for teaching me a lot about stuff at work"..but what she didn't realized is that I have also learn a lot from her for the last 9 months.

For us (myself and Sha), Effa became our confident, our laughing partner… and man, did we ever share lots of laughs. As I sit here writing about our antics, I am torn between laughing and crying. I remember going out with her – our usual break under the bridge because that is the only "sejuk" place in cyber, the three of us laughing so hard, her funny stories about how a friend of hers who know another friend that knows dozens of Malaysian artists (she is Miss Know-Everybody in the Planet), how she will tell the name of each of everyone that she knows in this world when she is telling us all her stories (which I seriously think that we don't even remember any)..

Yeah. I remember that. Its funny. You will not find another Effa again in this place..and definitely myself and Sha will miss all that..and we never grew tired listening to her stories..My tummy hurt a lot for the last 9 months from laughing.

As we have our last teh tarik session at OldTown Cyber tonite, we then had to say “Good-bye” except I refused to say good-bye. It’s actually “See you next time, Effa.” I will not shed a tear because I know this is not a goodbye, I smiled… gave her a hug and kisses. I am happy for her. I am truly happy for her..

To my dear friend Effa,

We will truly miss your presence. Hope our path will cross again.

Although it is sad to see you go, we are happy to see you being happy and passionate in what you are doing.

Be strong. I know you have the attitude to be BIG and to be what you dream to be.

Just follow your heart.

Insyallah, you will find the best for yourself and please dont forget all of us here.

Do drop by and say hello and we wish you all the best.

Take care. You have been a great colleague and above all you have been a wonderful friend for me and Sha.

Love ya. Hugz.