"Love that we cannot see"
Joe Fox: You're crazy about him...
Kathleen Kelly: Yes. I am.
Joe Fox: Then why don't you run off with him? What are you waiting for?
Kathleen Kelly: I don't actually know him.
Joe Fox: Really?
Kathleen Kelly: We only know each other - oh, God, you're not going to believe this...
Joe Fox: Let me guess. From the Internet.
Kathleen Kelly: Yes.
Joe Fox: You have mail.
Kathleen Kelly: Yes.
Joe Fox: Very powerful words.
Kathleen Kelly: Yes.
(Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan, You’ve Got Mail-1998)
Both of us were waiting hungrily for our orders to arrive when my other half asked me, “Is it okay for a girl to fall for a guy over the internet?” My automatic reply was, “I thought girls are more vulnerable to get involved in such situations?” The startled look on his face hinted that I was somewhat inaccurate; perhaps it is because he is surrounded by friends who are not as internetly active as he is.
I think the question should not be gender-biased, but more on its general outlook – is it okay to even fall in love over the net?
If I were to ask this to my dad, the muqaddimah to his answers would always be “Yes, and No.” while he moves his right palm to the right side when saying Yes and to the opposite when saying No. He always sees things working in a two-way system, which is one thing I personally admire. When there’s good, there’s always the bad and it all depends on us how we maneuver the wheel. I guess this question goes through everybody’s minds when they come across a person (via pictures, blogs, websites, whatever) who suddenly gives them butterflies in their stomachs. I used to get that too.
Human can never run from attractions, be it of their own or other’s. We see people everyday and with such weak hearts we get affected so easily by beautiful eyes or red lips, soft hair or shy smile, and in some (or most) cases: big boobs or butts :P But is it ever just the physical attributes of a person that could make you happy? Is it ever just his dark mysterious eyes or his soft hands that would promise you a comfortable marriage life, free from interference from family and work? Or could her Chinese nose and black Spanish hair that melt you every time you see her spare you trust and loyalty?
For many lucky people, they could. However, there is nothing un-okay with meeting the one from the internet. Someone’s uncle met his wife online, someone else’s sister is happily married for almost a year now with her husband whom she met on MSN or something, and some other person is madly in love with her beau who likes her through Friendster months ago.
Yeah. Friendster, Myspace, MSN Flirt, Yahoo Personals. Don’t call them the desperados; they’re just looking around, like everybody else. It is the same like you going to the club trying to pick-up a chick, or attending a wedding with hope that your mother would introduce you to the bride’s sister or best maid, or joining a yoga class to see who has the best view from behind, or going through the personal pages in URTV or Mangga (I know somebody still does this nganganga!). The only thing that differ this matter is the medium, which is the Internet. Only that we are more exposed to frauds or sly dishonesties through pictures that may have been manipulated or untrue description of individuals. It happens, because the net is where it is the hardest to really know if a person is genuine and which offers people the opportunity to show a side of them that they could not in real life.
The safe part of it (which I like) is that emails and personal messages allow us to get to know a person intellectually first. We can judge a person from the way he starts his email (whether it’s a polite gentleman introduction with a Hello, How are you or any of such, or the rempit style that, with no effort to type out a mere five letter word of Hello, straight away goes Leh knalan?). Emails, messages and any sort of writing have their own body languages too, and they do have the power of revealing the kind of person we are.
Unless, if there is any one out there who would make extra effort to pretend to be dumb. Tactically.
It is a form of subtle romance, sparked by simple words depicting the desire of getting to know each other for either a long-term or just a plain platonic relationship, because that is the only way for you to share your emotions – through words. And it matters very much of how you construct them sentences. Wherever it leads you to, there is always something to learn. Back in my study time, my communication lecturer used to tell my class that when someone is in love, he can write just about anything on paper even if he’s not a poet. It is a nice feeling, it is the time when the world seems like a happy place and no matter wherever you are, you are always inspired to think and write.
People present themselves online in different ways. The poetic ones would write beautifully, those who are creative would express more graphically, the ones loving photography would tell about themselves through pictures…so on and so forth. In a way, it is easier to communicate with people because of the absence of shyness. If there was a guy I never knew of at all introduced to me and he only talks (a bit) if I do or vice versa, it won’t go any further than us being just a waste of time and money on that coffee.
I appreciate words, which is why You’ve Got Mail is one of my favorite movies (aside from its cast, Meg Ryan). Given the opportunity to interact with a person online offers us some knowledge of what kind of personality this person has and it allows us to be prepared when we meet up. Sort of like a medium of making things easier or more comfortable in first dates. Some people might take advantage on this and appearing as somebody who they are not simply because the people they’re meeting up with likes a certain kind of people.
There are always problems as well. First situation: two people living not in the same region/country/land. Issue: Distance. From here, many other little issues would come to follow: costs of travel, phone bills, etc. And to many people, it is the fear of getting disappointed when meeting up for the first time, fear that the person might not be as what they expected or saw in pictures. Well, if you have known that person for quite some time and the way her/his brain combines romance with words just sweeps you off the ground, would it matter if he turned out to be just a normal chicken rather than a rooster?
Not to me, because it is the mind and the manners that matters.
However, this would only look beautiful and only will the beauty be felt when it applies to a certain group of age, preferably for the adults. I somehow fail to see romance if this occurs to teenagers, because teenagers + internet = self-absorbance and the probability for a long-term relationship to happen is barely one in a million. Net-love is romantic, but I do not see it in such just because Nora Ephron managed to make Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan look so cute together through their laptops, but simply because of the excitement of opening your inbox or logging onto the internet to know more about that one particular person. Every time.
Oh yeah, I think I forgot to mention that I first met my husband online, 5 years ago. That gives me a wittier reason to write this, kan? ;)
