Tuesday, November 30, 2004

The Perfect Dive


Yesterday, on a day after The Wedding of The Totz, I was on leave.

I guess after Aildilfitri, its quite typical for everyone to have stomach discomfort due to assorted foods from the countless open house and weddings.

But that's the fun of post-raya. Despite knowing that you'll end up with stomach cramp, it is not easy to avoid the lure of lontong, mee johor, nasik dagang, nasik tomato, satay, etc., you named it, for each homies that you went to.

From 54kgs in Ramadhan, I am now officially back to my fatty figure- 60kgs.

Thanks to all the amazing and scrumptious foods.

So, as I was at home yesterday, I took the opportunity to cook some breakfast for Mr Bee.
So, I took out a brand new ayamas sausage packet and some nuggets from the freezer to fry them, and I did my own version of maggie goreng for him.

Later, after everything was finished and done as planned, Ive decided to stuffed back the sausage packet into the freezer.

The minute I opened the freezer, this gigantic frozen whole chicken (you can imagine the size of one whole frozen chicken) did some amazing dive and fell nicely on top of my toes.

Visualize the twinge.

The chicken felt exactly like a 10kg stone or I would happily describe it as a 10kg lesung batu on top of my foot.

I was numb for a second.

Mr Bee came over as soon he heard the pang. He picked up the chicken and stuffed it back in the freezer. He said " Are you OK?"

My eyes blinked. "Am I OK?" I gulped.

I didnt dare to look at my giant foot. I tried to sit in order to reduce the pain, but it didnt work. The pain started to increase and it was spreading from my foot up to my head. It was so sinusoidal.
Bip...bip...bip..ouch!
Bip...bip...bip..ouch!
The pain was excruciating!

Gosh...it made me completely disregard the fact that Im currently pregnant and I had a stomach discomfort that same morning.

I walked slowly to de bedroom and walked towards the bath room.
I saw a red pail full of water, and like Mr Bean, I quickly plunged my foot into it.
I thought the pain will subside.
Unfortunately it became worse.
I couldnt held it any much longer, so I jumped on my bed.

Tears flowing down my cheek.

At that moment, I felt that if I withheld the pain any longer, I will die, and my brain will burst into flames due to the agonizing pain.

So, I did it.

I screamed deafeningly . I screamed and cried all out for my blueish foot.

I screamed and screamed for it.

Its still purplish blue until today. What a manic monday yesterday was.

I cursed all the chicken!

:(

Monday, November 29, 2004

Wedding of The Totz


Yes, it has finally happened.

The Totz is well and truly married.

It has been a very hectic weekend for Koyan, what with Yan and her mom making their way to Putrajaya and everywhere almost every day. Yan in her usual way has left everything and nothing for us to help.

But, I must say, today was worth every bit of it.
And more, had it been necessary.

She was resplendant in a pure white.
Despite the miniscule, no-one-can-see her a bit senget tudong from the pulling and adjusting of the anak tudong, she looked gorgeous, beautiful and sweet.

I resent the fact that all the GirlyGirls had pegged Matun out for a 'crier'. But I have to admit that everybody was a little misty eyed. Especially when I recalled some of the conversations Yan and I had on the phone during the week running up to the wedding.

Oh I don't think I can do a full review. Too emotional at the moment.

Just a note to say congratulations to my wonderful darling friend, Koyan and Mawie. May everything be blessed and may the days to come be filled with enough challenges to keep you both strong and enough joy to keep you both happy.

Another of the Girlygirls wedding has passed. More to come...

Weddings get to me. They didn't use to, but in the past few years, they have.

I suppose it all started with my fren- Sofi's wedding slightly over 2 years ago. She is one of my theraphy frens, besides Amla, Yan, Matun, Mikun, Shara and Nita. We hung out together most of de times, we knew each other's parents, we did lunches and dinners, we bitch about ourselves, and we shared happy and bitter stories of our love lives, whenever one was currently in existence. I remember when she was telling us about this new guy she was seeing, how she'd known him almost forever, but she is too nervous to probably introduce the guy to us in the beginning, and so begun her secret dating. A few months later, they are engaged and subsequently, they are married. Two years on, and right now, she is about to celebrate Ammar’s first birthday by the end of the year. The first GirlyGirl’s baby.

I wept silently in my heart at her wedding. At the time I wasn't sure why I did. I just attributed it to heightened emotions. Lucky me, nobody saw the tiny tears flowing down my cheek. It will be an embarrassment at that point of time.

Too many weddings than I can recall have passed since then, many of which were of friends of the same age, whom I went to school with. Some of them I had known since I started school at 7, some of them whom I had known later, but became close to. Most of the weddings were of girls I was - am - friends with, but were never particularly close to. Attending all those weddings, I never really got teary, with the exception of Sofi's, of course. Like I said, none were particularly close friends. This year, and the next two or so, my diary will be filled with the weddings of friends whom I am actually close to.

Yesterday, I attended the wedding - akad nikah - of Yan. I've known her since… I can't even remember. She was my house mate back in ITM. We were always on friendly terms. The years after our schooling saw us maintaining that friendship, mainly through the GirlyGirl network. I guess I never told her how honored I felt that she invited me to witness such an important event in her life, and to share her joy today. Anyway, the point is that of all the weddings I've attended to date, hers and Sofi's were more personal than all the others. And off course, for all the Gurlygurls as well.

I knew her when she was still like budak Darjah 4 back in PPP 8 years ago. On Sunday she became somebody's wife.

I felt such a pang seeing her all dressed up for her wedding. She was so calm, so composed. So ready. I watched her demurely sit on the cushion in the masjid, listening to her very-very-soon-to-be husband recite the akad. I watched her serene expression as the lafaz was accepted by the wali and witnesses. She looked very grown up. She was all grown up.

Seeing her so composed helped me hold back my own tears. I don't know what I was tearing over, but her composure saved my own. However, had I been closer to her, no doubt there would be no holding them back. I can only imagine what it must have been like for the other Girls, who are all much closer to her than I.

"Bee, do you think things will change after I get married?"
"Duh!" <-- sarcastic married Mr Bee.
"I don't want things to change."

I know too well what that feels like. The first time I heard those words, I was the one who spoke them. The circumstances, however, were extremely different. She would be marrying and leaving me behind. I didn't want things to change. Well, I did want them to change, but not that way.

Marriage. All these friends have grown up, taking on new responsibilities willingly, embracing them with open arms. Two years ago, the thought of a commitment of that scale makes me want to run to the ends of the world. Look at me now, I am committed to a wonderful guy whom I love so much as well.

You see, marriages seem so ... cheap, what with the frequency of divorces nowadays. I don't condemn people who settle for divorce. As my mother once told me, you make the best decisions you can, but even then, they may ultimately turn out to be wrong. Your only options then are to either sleep in the bed you made, or admit your mistake and start over.

But despite of being married for the past 6 months, weddings still get to me. I'm aware of just how much dedication it takes to make a commitment like marriage, and I'm in awe that these couples have it in them.

When I think about my current responsibility by taking care of someone else, I feel so nice to give part of myself unconditionally, willingly, and derive joy from it.

And I think that it is truthfully nice to have someone like Mr Bee whom unconditionally, willingly to be responsible for me, to care for my every need, and that I could give him joy by it.

And I think it is nice to have that for the rest of my life.

Now I know why I get teary at weddings.

Sunday, November 28, 2004

You know sometimes in the car, on the way to work, you have that particular song humming on the radio, which break the silence between both of you, you will smile to each other, singing helplessly to that song, despite not knowing the full lyrics, and singing it out of tunes. But you feel completely so in love with that song, and off course, feel so madly deeply in love with the person sitting next to you. For me and Mr Bee, here is our song, at the moment..enjoy :)

.: RESHMONU - IT'S YOU THAT MATTERS :.

verse 1:

time, has its way
to show me the reason for living
the world and all its splendour
gives me a sense of believing
that our love,
will shine thru,
and will keep us,
keep us forever,
and our love,
will pull us thru,
the bad times and keep us together

.chorus:
i don’t wanna fight this feeling no more
wanna love you and love you, its you i adore
cause its you that matters
just the sight of you throws my heart ashore
and the joy you bring opens up my door
cause its you that matters

verse 2:
my love, need to bloom
like a flower a process unencumbered
that want, should i feel
when that trail i truly discovered

that our love,
will shine thru,
and will keep us,
keep us forever,
and our love,
will pull us thru,
the bad times and keep us together

.chorusrap:
big up, big up
necessary noise
straight from kenya with the underground noise
pick up, pick up… who
nazizi…
straight from kenya yo nairobi
pick up, pick up… who
the bombzi
daft the superman yo, you know my steeze
pick up, pick up
necessary noise
straight from kenya with the underground noise

swahili rap

nazizi:
oh lord,
now your body design,
you know me drive wild with me high all of the time

bamzi:
on the rear view i like your style
you sweet,
something special,
something that i gotta keep you deep

nazizi:
oh lord

bamzi:
the way you do your thing,
the way smile
the way you holler when you suddenly it a really wild

nazizi:
oh lord

bamzi:
man… you look good

nazizi:
who me?

yea y’all… lets take it back to the origin

.chorus
chorus

i love you baby,
that’s right,
cause you are the only one that matters,
you know,
the only one baby,
i’m outta here.