I cannot take this much longer.
I keep saying, "I'm strong, I'm strong.They are but petty little red ants. Don't let their little poisonous pin-pricks get to you".
Don't make it personal. But maybe I'm not that strong.
My head hurts so much. And either it's the anger or the stress or the headache or everything, but I cannot see straight. Literally.
God grant me patience and strength and faith. I need so much faith.
I am at KL Office now, with PopTeeVee crew members. They look young and vibrant. I feel so old. I guess I need to be recharge and find a good place for me to recharge. is there any tempat carik makan which makes you feel young and stay young? without going thru any nip/tuck episode?
is it such a sin not knowing how to recline an external rooftop? babe, i was not born here right? i bet if i asked back whether such person knows where is nazareth in cbn or where is the only place in Kl called "pulau" or what is the name of the nearest school at bank negara..i bet no one knew either..except for those who knew me back 17 years and before..switching options is not a good option at the moment..the grass always seem dry and rusty..feel like PR is not my forte..corporate comm is not me anymore..should i switch to HR..or back to marketing? i have no idea..im totally clueless..i still love doing wat im doing rite now..its much more fun than marketing in a sense that i love to write minimal write-up and still being able to squeeze my brain for some sharp points on country's most important issues..press release is by far is still the best clutch for my career tank..and on top, i also love meeting people..but not dat much into event management..
i think, where you set your foot will eventually lead to the amount of happiness that you sip in a day..and it also have a huge reflection on the outcome that you produced..whole heartedly or half heartedly..or makan hati ulam kampung (is there such proverb? i couldnt remember..)
after so many years of drowning myself with endless memos, doing info packs and paperworks, i guess i tend to realized my true values and limitations. i guess every man on street who walks in front of this building will tend to see how simple things get complicated over years and years of working for people. how white kopicino becomes black kopi..how cat turns into godzilla..how van gogh turns into another ciplak petaling street masterpiece..what u used to see as white as cotton is now as black as the black hole..
its saddened you that the fact the last 7 years of working has not make you the great Audrey Hepburn, talently appreciated like the late Yasmin Ahmad or even as Martha Stewart..
I know, I should not be complaining. especially fasting month..i love fasting month. we'll talk about it later.i am happy the fact that at the age of 29 i have two beautiful kids and a husband who loves me for my unproportionate shape and sizes.
but sometimes you still need to let it out of ur chest. and that is what im doing at this moment.
My point is, i hate to be a kuli..and have no control or charge over my work. no empowerment. no opportunity to speak up my ideas. i hate that feeling. i wanted to tell 'the others", despite of wat u think about me - plain, simple, my blurry look..behind the spectacle..there is a thing called "human capability to work and perform diligently and excellently"..and mind you, i know more most of the things then you can even think of..hehe..
well, this makes me feel good today..to write other than any of those tension paper works or school assignments..i welkam me back to the blogging work..
btw, on top is a pic of my bubblicious daughter in my tudung..this is what i put her on when we are going to pray together..i miss her already..
selamat berbuka everyone..its 6 pm, and im still at the kl satellite office..waiting for the traffic to die..will make a move home when all of my muslims brothers and sisters are enjoying their sumptuous meal at home or anywhere here in KL..that will be around 7 pm..
to my other half, if you are reading this..selamat berbuka puasa with much luv..
