how much randomness can you take?

I cannot take this much longer.

I keep saying, "I'm strong, I'm strong.They are but petty little red ants. Don't let their little poisonous pin-pricks get to you".

Don't make it personal. But maybe I'm not that strong.

My head hurts so much. And either it's the anger or the stress or the headache or everything, but I cannot see straight. Literally.

God grant me patience and strength and faith. I need so much faith.

I am at KL Office now, with PopTeeVee crew members. They look young and vibrant. I feel so old. I guess I need to be recharge and find a good place for me to recharge. is there any tempat carik makan which makes you feel young and stay young? without going thru any nip/tuck episode?

is it such a sin not knowing how to recline an external rooftop? babe, i was not born here right? i bet if i asked back whether such person knows where is nazareth in cbn or where is the only place in Kl called "pulau" or what is the name of the nearest school at bank negara..i bet no one knew either..except for those who knew me back 17 years and before..switching options is not a good option at the moment..the grass always seem dry and rusty..feel like PR is not my forte..corporate comm is not me anymore..should i switch to HR..or back to marketing? i have no idea..im totally clueless..i still love doing wat im doing rite now..its much more fun than marketing in a sense that i love to write minimal write-up and still being able to squeeze my brain for some sharp points on country's most important issues..press release is by far is still the best clutch for my career tank..and on top, i also love meeting people..but not dat much into event management..

i think, where you set your foot will eventually lead to the amount of happiness that you sip in a day..and it also have a huge reflection on the outcome that you produced..whole heartedly or half heartedly..or makan hati ulam kampung (is there such proverb? i couldnt remember..)

after so many years of drowning myself with endless memos, doing info packs and paperworks, i guess i tend to realized my true values and limitations. i guess every man on street who walks in front of this building will tend to see how simple things get complicated over years and years of working for people. how white kopicino becomes black kopi..how cat turns into godzilla..how van gogh turns into another ciplak petaling street masterpiece..what u used to see as white as cotton is now as black as the black hole..

its saddened you that the fact the last 7 years of working has not make you the great Audrey Hepburn, talently appreciated like the late Yasmin Ahmad or even as Martha Stewart..

I know, I should not be complaining. especially fasting month..i love fasting month. we'll talk about it later.i am happy the fact that at the age of 29 i have two beautiful kids and a husband who loves me for my unproportionate shape and sizes.

but sometimes you still need to let it out of ur chest. and that is what im doing at this moment.

My point is, i hate to be a kuli..and have no control or charge over my work. no empowerment. no opportunity to speak up my ideas. i hate that feeling. i wanted to tell 'the others", despite of wat u think about me - plain, simple, my blurry look..behind the spectacle..there is a thing called "human capability to work and perform diligently and excellently"..and mind you, i know more most of the things then you can even think of..hehe..

well, this makes me feel good today..to write other than any of those tension paper works or school assignments..i welkam me back to the blogging work..

btw, on top is a pic of my bubblicious daughter in my tudung..this is what i put her on when we are going to pray together..i miss her already..

selamat berbuka everyone..its 6 pm, and im still at the kl satellite office..waiting for the traffic to die..will make a move home when all of my muslims brothers and sisters are enjoying their sumptuous meal at home or anywhere here in KL..that will be around 7 pm..

to my other half, if you are reading this..selamat berbuka puasa with much luv..

Bonjour..hello, how are you?

I'm so sorry. I know I have been neglecting my blog for quite some time now. I believe since 2006? Gosh..i need to touch up my roots for being so ancient..

I'm fine thank you. Well, not Paracetamol or Acetaminophen or fine, but well and good, nonetheless. Give or rather, take, a few (five) kilos or so.

This is a bit frightening - I haven't done this in ages. I see Blogspot's 'Add an entry' space is still as ruthlessly empty and white as always (if I was the least bit poetic, I'd say it was as ruthless and white as the icy tundras of the Artic, but that's way too much cliche for one day).

This is why I'm doing this again: my non-work-related writing muscles (feeble as they are) needed to be flexed. Forgive me if I sound stilted and awkward as I attempt to find what is typically (and pretentiously) termed 'my Voice' - I still have to figure out what that is.

Occasionally, it takes clipped, dry sort of tone, and at other times it sounds oddly American (I say 'dude' and 'wtf' a lot). Other times it will be a stream of (self)consciousness as I enjoy using words that in no way resemble the phrase.

I feel strangely bereft of rants at the moment- after a good twenty something years of ranting (we'll assume that number shall we, I'm starting to get sensitive about my age - not for vanity but because as one approaches the big 3-0 one becomes almost manic at the thought of not being the next Oprah. Or something equally Obamarian.) I feel all ranted out.

There's an odd sort of deja vu about things, except perhaps with less finesse. I don't know - I'm approaching deeply apathetic levels. Perhaps this will change. Perhaps my (economic/sociopolitical) consciousness will come alive again. Who knows.

For now, I'm just going along for the ride.

On the thought of updating my biological metamorphosis, I have undergo some autobot transformation:

2007: welcoming my most cheecky manja son
2009: we moved to our own crib in shah alam
2009: nadyne's pre-school started
2009: me back to skewl

:) til then..

In Nadyne's Dreams

I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each other's dreams, we can play together all night. ~Bill Watterson, Calvin & Hobbes~

Food in Memories

Sejak blog ni, tak pernah lagi saya mengblog dalam bahasa melayu...saya jatuh sakit sejak 3 hari yang lalu, dan masih dlm proses penyembuhan...Tekak masih terasa tawar walau apa jua yang dimakan..tapi perut lapar and otak mengidam macam-macam benda yang sememang nya sukar untuk dicari ataupun yang sememangnya bisa menggemukkan...so..I came up with favourite food masa kecik-kecik...

My Childhood Memories of Food

1. Sengkuang + Kacang Tumbuk

How to explain this divine manna....the sengkuang is chilled and cut to a thin slice. Then you order, out comes the sengkuang and a reddish paste is slathered on top to an even spread. Then kacang tumbuk is sprinkled on top. Then you hand over 10 cent and you get this really sweet but peanuty taste as you munch away. And it's cold so it helps with the afternoon heat. The paste is a bit masam-masam but just a tinge bit...never did figure out what it was. But who cares when you're like 8.

2. Asam Boi AisKrim Potong

This is just excellent on those hot hot afternoons. And you have to run to the gerai coz it's the first to finish. It's homemade and it's sweet but masam - masam. Best gila la. And the best way to eat it is by eating it from the opposite end where the asam boi is at. As it is homemade the asam boi always always is at one end of the ice cream potong. So you suck on the ice cream till you reach the asam boi and reap the reward. Look ....I was 8 alrite!!!!!

3. My sekolah rendah canteen nasi lemak + F&N Purple Fizzy Drink

I swear I have tried the nasi lemak with a lot of combo but this is by far the best combo. Yes, lucky me.... my school's nasi lemak was the best. You eat that and gulp down the green F&N drink with ice...my my I can still taste the contrast...does wonders to your taste buds...a very tingling taste ...dengan kepedasan nasi lemak and the buzz cold drink...

4. French fries dipped in strawberry sundae (McD)

I learned to eat this when I was young and it is still the way I eat my fries at McD. The salty fries and the sweetness of the sundae goes really well. Although they are people that gasped at the way I ate my fries. What do they know? It's one of my favourite fast food junk food.

So I guess that's about it. I'm bored today btw.

The Posh Toilet at KLCC

Will you pay RM2 to use the premium toilet at the ground floor of KLCC? My friend Shara has told me about the toilet last year. Well, I just had to experience it only now.

Yes, I paid 2 Ringgit, and ... there was a nice Toilet Attendant in the new renovated toilet complete with scented candles. There were three cubicles in the premium toilet. And the conversation...

Toilet Girl: Welcome Miss, let me open the door for you.
Moi: Thank you. (10 seconds later, realizing that she was still there, outside the door...)
Are you going to be here through out?
Toilet Girl: I'm here to assist you, Miss.
Moi: (Tried very hard not to make disgusting noise in the cubicle).
Toilet Girl: Are you alright Miss?
Moi: I think so.
Toilet Girl: Just tell me if you need anything.
Moi: (That's it, I have to do my 'job' elsewhere and came out of the cubicle).
Toilet Girl: Was everything ok Miss?
Moi: Extremely...

But I must say, the Toilet Girl was well trained.

My first blogging quiz

When you're convinced you've lost your mojo but are desperate to update your blog, what do you do? Indulge in the greatest cop-out of all of course - the online quiz! (Smaller cop-outs include posting your own verses, or song lyrics. Or are lyrics a bigger cop-out than online quizzes?).

You Are 22% Evil

A bit of evil lurks in your heart, but you hide it well. In some ways, you are the most dangerous kind of evil.

How Evil Are You?

Go "Figure"!

What is it, I wonder, that makes Malaysians (or is it just Malays) think it's okay to comment about someone's weight ("Eh, makin sihat/berisi/gempal/boroi nampak"), even if

(a)You're not that close. (Heck, you might even be complete strangers save for some strange tenuous connection, i.e., he/she is your grandparent's neighbour's second cousin twice removed whom you only meet during Raya.)
(b) Who the heck asked you, anyway? Can't we just talk about the weather? Or, for a really polite conversation, why don't you ask me how much money I make?
(c) They thought you just gave birth, but the fact is your baby is already 10 months old and they still think that she is a cute looking baby boy.
(d) “Nadyne? Mcm boy ye name tu..”.. …or “Ayra Nadyne Medina?..susahnye nak sebut nama, tergeliat lidah..I don’t care whether my baby’s name is long and hard to pronounce, but I know the meaning is good- Respectful Flower of Madinah…I mean I want it to be different and meaningful, and not the typical millenium names like Danish, Danial, Haikal…
(e) “Waa..bulatnya mata dia..i think her eyes are too big for her age and size”..Duh!! wats dat suppose to mean? Did I ever give any comment on your baby’s physical appearance or looks?..Common la..think before you leave any absurd comments like that..I mean, your baby is not that pretty or that cute…

Actually, it's absolutely amazing the things that post-labour visitors can say/do to you and/or your baby while you are still pantang as well. Here're a few of the winners (List is by no means complete or exhaustive):-

1. "Eh, you still berisi eh"/ "Ada lagi ke kat dalam tu?". This, mind you, when my General Anasthetic from the 8 hours contraction horror had just worn off.Although, some people are kind enough to wait about a month, when I'm still in "pantang" and generally feeling like I'm the best-looking babe in the world with jamu plastered on my forehead, hair pulled back in a tight "ponjot" and the expected floppy belly. I even got a "Berapa berat you sebelum pregnant?" Err.. "Tak tau, lah," I said.Thank you, people for attempting to contribute towards my Baby Blues. A breast-feeding Mom needs a little bit of depression every now and then.
2. When I'm forced to breast-feed in front of visitor who doesn't understand the concept of privacy- "Banyak tak susu?" Why? Would you like some? And no, I don't want to hear about how you were a virtual cow who squirted milk all over the place at work.
3. "Kecik ek anak you?" Hello, 4.2 kg is not kecik. She may be small compared to you, though. And I really need to worry about whether my baby is getting enough to eat despite the doctor's reassurance, on top of everything else.
4. What is it that possesses people to want to carry/pinch the cheeks of/generally do things that have a tendency to wake up sleeping babies? Do they think that new mothers with bags under their eyes who are just about to heave (quiet) sighs of relief when they've finally managed to put their insomnia-afflicted babies to sleep so they can (finally!) get some shut-eye themselves want to wake their babies up five minutes after the precious wee ones have closed their eyes? Yes, thank you for handing the baby back to me after you've made her cry. Please give birth soon so I can do the same to you.
5. "Bila dia nak ada adik?" Dude. "Dia" can't even talk yet. Even if she could, I suspect my Little Princess would probably say something like, "Dude, I'm really enjoying all the attention now. Why would I want that taken away from me when I'm still smaller than your tactlessness? Plus, are you offering to go through the pain of childbirth for my Mummy?"
The thing is, the perpetrators are parents themselves. Does this mean I'm allowed to do the same unto them as was done unto me? Because clearly, unless I'm missing something here, it is acceptable to be rude/inquisitive beyond the bounds of acceptable inquisitiveness to new mothers and their babies.

Better get back to work before the 'legal repercussions of blogging at work' descends upon me.

Btw, Im prood of my floppy belly..hehe..floppy pon floppy lah...

Je Vous Aime

Love, is not just a verb.

It is a state of the mind. It is attributable to the Soul. It is life, itself, veils amidst veils, that pampers and heals. Yet at the same time, it tears me away from the nest of comfort, at the seat of the heavens.

Je vous aime beaucoup Nadyne..

Ton mama

I Think Now I Know What I Really Want To Do In Life...

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Celebrating my first Mother's Day

I saw the card on top of my dressing table. It is pink in color, with the most beautiful flowery background and nicely tied pink ribbon at the corner of the card. On the front, I noticed those words..."For My Wife On Your First's Mother's Day"..
Tears flowing down from my cheeks..I opened the card softly to see more wordings on the inside...
"Seeing you as a mother gives me more wonderful feelings than I ever could have imagined. Besides great pride, I feel a special closeness to you...and excitement about all the new things we'll share. But the best feeling of all is the love I have for you, becaue it keeps growing stronger and deeper than ever."
It is the most sweetest thing and the best thing that ever happened to me in 2006. Being celebrated as a mother.
The opportunity to love so deeply and be adored back in return doesn't present itself very often. I have been so fortunate as to love - and to be love by the two most adorable and loving beings in the universe- Mr Amrin Abdul Rahman & Ms. Ayra Nadyne Medina.
My BumbleBee & My Pumpkinpie, I love you both so much. :O)
Thanks for the most beautiful Mother's Day card. I'm so happy.

I forgot to post a pic of Nadyne when she was born. Ok, here is a pic of her few hrs after I delivered her in Pantai. Look at her hair, byk kan? 

Wat has mummy done 2 my cute fringe? (Nadyne's new hair look, courtesy of mummy) 

Nadyne at Great Eastern Mall..She was surprised when I snapped her pic  

This song is dedicated to my absolutely adorable princess..Ayra Nadyne Medina...Kasih Suci

Perjalanan masih jauh harus kau tempuh
Ku di sini memerhati tanpa rasa sangsi
Jangan gentar ada sabar semai di jiwa
Ku di sini mendampingi agar kau mengerti

Berlarilah kau berlari
Terbanglah dikau terbang tinggi
Bumi yang engkau jejaki
Janganlah dikau lupai

Andai kucapai si pelangi
Akan kuserah kepadamu
Agar dapat kau mewarnai
Seluruh hidup nanti

Yang hitam harus dijauhi
Jangan disimpan dalam hati
Putihkan jiwamu dengan
Kasih suci

Kuterima dirimu dengan seadanya
Dalam suka dalam duka
Kau tetap cahaya

Ku bersyukur pada Yang Esa
Punya segala-galanya
Sederhana tapi oh sempurna
Oh oh oh...

Yang hitam harus dijauhi
Jangan disimpan dalam hati
Agar dapat kau mewarnai
Seluruh hidup nanti

Putihkan jiwamu dengan
Kasih suci
 

So, my blog wont get cancelled...

Greetings!

Just stopping in between nappy changes and feeding sessions to say thank you for the well wishes. Ayra Nadyne Medina (Respectful Flower of Madinah) is now fine and well and thriving, Alhamdulillah.

The words that have been used to describe her have ranged from "feisty" to "strong-willed" and "like a boy".

Yes, she's only 1 week old, but with tons of hair :P

4.2 kg for a babygal, wat do u expect?
Will post her pic soon..

More later!

I wrote this 2 months back, but forgot to post it :)

No, I have no political commentaries to make. As my bumblebee say, I'm just going to "sit back and enjoy the show". Plus, I'm completely knackered. It's not all that easy lugging around an 8 month-and-a-bit pregnant belly (kicking Baby included).

Nearly eight months ago, when I found out I was pregnant (after 3 home tests and finally, a confirmation by the GP) I thought I'd turn this 'blog' into a pregnancy journal of sorts and record all the aches, pains and excitement for posterity (also to show Baby in the future so I can tell her, "Look, I went through all this for you and now you want to get a tattoo?"). Then I thought, who wants to know about the morning sickness, epic mood swings and assorted cramps anyway? Heck, I don't want to be responsible for putting people off having babies!

On the other hand, since I'm now on the 'final stretch' as it were, I might as well note down my myriad symptoms and 'favourite moments' while I'm still having them (and occasionally, having fun with them!)

For instance, for the past few months or so, I've been completely fascinated by my undulating tummy. Caused by my salsa-dancing baby. I know I'm going to miss this soon because apparently, there'll not be enough space for LeelWan to move around too much anymore. But it's both weird and wonderful seeing the outlines of a little fist or elbow or knee appearing on one's stomach.

And now she's* beginning to have these regular movements- there'll be a spate of thump-thump-thumping on one side of my stomach. Either she's going to be a good drummer (cool!) or she's having the hiccups (awwww!). Then there are the 'salsa-like shimmies', where there'll be a movement one side, followed by one on the other, and then a returning movement on the first side.

What I'm not enjoying however, are the third-trimester symptoms- e.g., the heartburn and the fact that my fingers and toes have swelled up so much they look like sausages worthy of any Oktoberfest. I suppose I'm paying for a relatively painless second trimester (with the exception of night-time leg cramps) during which I think I literally took 'eating for two' to heart, which has resulted in me looking like 'Seris and more' :P

*Dr Idris has confirmed twice that it's a girl. Mr Bumblebee doesn't seem to mind the fact that he won't get to name a child 'Anaqy' (to be referred to as Lord Vader when older). Next time around remind me not to say things like "If you can find the meaning of Anaqi then you're welcome to name our son, if we have one, that" because with my luck, Anaqy will turn out to mean, "golongan yang menambat hatiku" (which it did, since Mr Bumblebee actually bothered looking). Since it's practically confirmed that LeelWan is a 'Nadyne',

InsyAllah, my mom has vowed to go berserk in the frilly and pink section of baby island in Jusco.

Love Actually

Let's look at it this way, love would somehow, in a way, make you a totally different person, because for one thing, you have already dropped your personal space force field to let someone be a part of your life. I always have had this theory that your "comfort level circle", your "radius of personal space" depends on who it is.

If you're a stranger, you may have a radius of 6 feet.

If you're a friend, maybe it’s about 2-3 feet.

If you're very good friends (girlygirls), maybe its about 6 inches to a foot…Although i remember somebody telling me how someone shrieked "PERSONAL SPACE PERSONAL SPACE" for an approaching hug... ;)

If you're family, most probably inches...

If you're a significant other, you'll extend your hand to be held, hehe or closer than dat (Altogether now..Awwwwww)

That doesn't mean you have to change your habits (well, table manners is a different thing.. :p) and you even hardly need to make a compromise to change your daily schedule.

I know I never want him to quit his freaking busy job .Hey, good for him, good for me too (more money for us to shop and pay for the bills):p but once in a while, skipping a day or two from work (like we did..hehe) was exciting.

It was as if we got out from a scheduled trip by waking up a lil bit late (although we have set the alarm an hour earlier) and suddenly decide to go to a nice little mamak for breakfast and do "people watch".. and then go to OU for a window shopping, and voila! We both just run off from work!

I will just SMS my boss telling him that I got a fever (which he never call back to verify it, I normally just get “OK” reply via SMS), and he will call his office sounding very sick and telling his boss that he is down with fever, and demn, they’ll buy it too.

"People watch” eh its cool ok, you see so many characters that you don’t notice pass you by during your hectic day and its always nice to have someone with to b*tch about how the slit would not need to be THAT high... or how actually a lass with a 21 cm waist can have astonishing bosom (cup E ok? R u kidding me?)*mata terbeliak*

As much as some people might not pick up, you are slightly more tolerant on the negatives of your significant other.. and not actually disregard them (like what someone said *high fives*). you're too happy and won't care about petty things....ideally of course :D

Life's not always about good fried rice, ayam tandoori and sticky cheese nan, Chillis cuisine, great music, brad pitt or jon bon jovi (my taste) and salma hayek or drew barrymore (his). Like anyone else in this world, i too have my resentments, my f**k ups, imperfections and all but I've learnt, to the best of my -limited- abilities to refocus my energy on some insecurities to a more constructive behavior.

damn..thats deep..HAHAHAHAHHA

And My Hubby Bumblebee,

regardless how clumsy you can be at times,

how often and loud you can fart and burp again and again in an hour,

how obsessed you get over your palm, laptop, IE, Networking, or your V-Sat work,

how some older women at your office like to tease you how cute your face and butt looks like (takes out sniper gun..),

how you go goo goo gaa gaa over the black Gibson Guitar

just how you would loveeeee to argue with me on who should wakeup and go mandi first in the morning and in the evening

i love you and thank you for loving me in spite of my shortcomings and for being exactly who you are ;)

~Your Wifey

p/s - anybody needs a bucket to puke? hehehe awww COME ON! it wasn't thaaaaaat bad! :P Its our 1st anniversary.

The Internet Connection

"Love that we cannot see"

Joe Fox: You're crazy about him...
Kathleen Kelly: Yes. I am.
Joe Fox: Then why don't you run off with him? What are you waiting for?
Kathleen Kelly: I don't actually know him.
Joe Fox: Really?
Kathleen Kelly: We only know each other - oh, God, you're not going to believe this...
Joe Fox: Let me guess. From the Internet.
Kathleen Kelly: Yes.
Joe Fox: You have mail.
Kathleen Kelly: Yes.
Joe Fox: Very powerful words.
Kathleen Kelly: Yes.

(Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan, You’ve Got Mail-1998)

Both of us were waiting hungrily for our orders to arrive when my other half asked me, “Is it okay for a girl to fall for a guy over the internet?” My automatic reply was, “I thought girls are more vulnerable to get involved in such situations?” The startled look on his face hinted that I was somewhat inaccurate; perhaps it is because he is surrounded by friends who are not as internetly active as he is.

I think the question should not be gender-biased, but more on its general outlook – is it okay to even fall in love over the net?

If I were to ask this to my dad, the muqaddimah to his answers would always be “Yes, and No.” while he moves his right palm to the right side when saying Yes and to the opposite when saying No. He always sees things working in a two-way system, which is one thing I personally admire. When there’s good, there’s always the bad and it all depends on us how we maneuver the wheel. I guess this question goes through everybody’s minds when they come across a person (via pictures, blogs, websites, whatever) who suddenly gives them butterflies in their stomachs. I used to get that too.

Human can never run from attractions, be it of their own or other’s. We see people everyday and with such weak hearts we get affected so easily by beautiful eyes or red lips, soft hair or shy smile, and in some (or most) cases: big boobs or butts :P But is it ever just the physical attributes of a person that could make you happy? Is it ever just his dark mysterious eyes or his soft hands that would promise you a comfortable marriage life, free from interference from family and work? Or could her Chinese nose and black Spanish hair that melt you every time you see her spare you trust and loyalty?

For many lucky people, they could. However, there is nothing un-okay with meeting the one from the internet. Someone’s uncle met his wife online, someone else’s sister is happily married for almost a year now with her husband whom she met on MSN or something, and some other person is madly in love with her beau who likes her through Friendster months ago.

Yeah. Friendster, Myspace, MSN Flirt, Yahoo Personals. Don’t call them the desperados; they’re just looking around, like everybody else. It is the same like you going to the club trying to pick-up a chick, or attending a wedding with hope that your mother would introduce you to the bride’s sister or best maid, or joining a yoga class to see who has the best view from behind, or going through the personal pages in URTV or Mangga (I know somebody still does this nganganga!). The only thing that differ this matter is the medium, which is the Internet. Only that we are more exposed to frauds or sly dishonesties through pictures that may have been manipulated or untrue description of individuals. It happens, because the net is where it is the hardest to really know if a person is genuine and which offers people the opportunity to show a side of them that they could not in real life.

The safe part of it (which I like) is that emails and personal messages allow us to get to know a person intellectually first. We can judge a person from the way he starts his email (whether it’s a polite gentleman introduction with a Hello, How are you or any of such, or the rempit style that, with no effort to type out a mere five letter word of Hello, straight away goes Leh knalan?). Emails, messages and any sort of writing have their own body languages too, and they do have the power of revealing the kind of person we are.

Unless, if there is any one out there who would make extra effort to pretend to be dumb. Tactically.

It is a form of subtle romance, sparked by simple words depicting the desire of getting to know each other for either a long-term or just a plain platonic relationship, because that is the only way for you to share your emotions – through words. And it matters very much of how you construct them sentences. Wherever it leads you to, there is always something to learn. Back in my study time, my communication lecturer used to tell my class that when someone is in love, he can write just about anything on paper even if he’s not a poet. It is a nice feeling, it is the time when the world seems like a happy place and no matter wherever you are, you are always inspired to think and write.

People present themselves online in different ways. The poetic ones would write beautifully, those who are creative would express more graphically, the ones loving photography would tell about themselves through pictures…so on and so forth. In a way, it is easier to communicate with people because of the absence of shyness. If there was a guy I never knew of at all introduced to me and he only talks (a bit) if I do or vice versa, it won’t go any further than us being just a waste of time and money on that coffee.

I appreciate words, which is why You’ve Got Mail is one of my favorite movies (aside from its cast, Meg Ryan). Given the opportunity to interact with a person online offers us some knowledge of what kind of personality this person has and it allows us to be prepared when we meet up. Sort of like a medium of making things easier or more comfortable in first dates. Some people might take advantage on this and appearing as somebody who they are not simply because the people they’re meeting up with likes a certain kind of people.

There are always problems as well. First situation: two people living not in the same region/country/land. Issue: Distance. From here, many other little issues would come to follow: costs of travel, phone bills, etc. And to many people, it is the fear of getting disappointed when meeting up for the first time, fear that the person might not be as what they expected or saw in pictures. Well, if you have known that person for quite some time and the way her/his brain combines romance with words just sweeps you off the ground, would it matter if he turned out to be just a normal chicken rather than a rooster?

Not to me, because it is the mind and the manners that matters.

However, this would only look beautiful and only will the beauty be felt when it applies to a certain group of age, preferably for the adults. I somehow fail to see romance if this occurs to teenagers, because teenagers + internet = self-absorbance and the probability for a long-term relationship to happen is barely one in a million. Net-love is romantic, but I do not see it in such just because Nora Ephron managed to make Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan look so cute together through their laptops, but simply because of the excitement of opening your inbox or logging onto the internet to know more about that one particular person. Every time.

Oh yeah, I think I forgot to mention that I first met my husband online, 5 years ago. That gives me a wittier reason to write this, kan? ;)

The Simplest Things

I used to think I knew what I wanted.

I suppose I still kind of do, but is it everything I need?

I want a nice, huge house. You know, like those that you see in the Anjung Seri and Impiana magazines. And off course, most of the rooms' settings are more or less de same like Ikea's.

I want to have my own jet so I can fly to Paris should I fancy.

I want a jacuzzi in my backyard. So I can bath like a princess, with candles and nice smelling potpourri surrounding my pool.

I want my own MPV or SUV. The most cikai one for me is Honda Stream where I can use to send my kids to school or to bring my girlfriends for window shopping.

I want a humongous library, crammed chock-full with books. Not in my home, off course. I want to own a bookstore. U know like the one in "You've Got Mail". No, not the small one owns by Meg Ryan. The big one, where Tom Hanks owns it- Fox Bookstore. Yeah, I want that. I really really want a library of my own exactly just like that.

But do I really need any of it?

But it'd be silly comparing deep-seated desires to material ones.
Nevertheless, the premise remains: do I really need everything I want?

And do I know what it is I really need?

Most times I think I don't. I'm just beginning to realise how much I don't.
And only when it hits you like a face-first belly-flop off a 5-foot springboard into the pool do you realise how much you've been needing it. And by the time you realise it, just pray and be grateful it is not too late.

You take so many things for granted when you think what you want is what you need. Kan? Kan?

:) Im just feeling blessed rite now.

Wonder Woman

I have had several discussions with different people on the topic of the female psyche.

It has always been a problem for men to figure out what a woman is really like. Is she really nice and kind or is that facade hiding the modern answer to the Wicked Witch of the West? Some men have resorted to using 'signs'. One man I know actually went on the basis of cats. He thought that if a cat approaches a woman and takes to her, that means she's a good sort. Animals know, he says.

I would rather think that she had something fishy up her sleeve. Literally.

The best way to figure out a woman's character is through her female friends. What manages to fool a man cannot fool another woman. Discounting for jealousy and petty cattiness, a woman will always see what another woman is about. Call it instinct, ESP or the sixth sense, a woman will always be able to see through the facade and understand the motivations of another woman's actions.

The men I've known have always been taken in by a pretty face and what they perceive to be a good person. And after the brand is produced and the ownership is clearly defined, they are either in too deep to see the woods for the trees, or are stunned by the revelations of her true nature.

I've realised after encounters with certain members of my own sex, that the quickest way to decide, on first contact, whether a person is trustworthy, is to see if she has close friends of her own gender. A woman cannot hide her true self from another woman for long before tripping up. And most women will shy away from unsavoury characters and keep them at arm's length. I've noticed that women who are back stabbers, liars, or have huge character flaws don't usually have close female friends - as they've probably backstabbed or lied to these friends. And as a result, have lost them.

A while ago, it dawned on me that there is no one who is truly good or evil. I was used to seeing things in absolute that I had not noticed that absolutes don't exist in the real world. The nicest, best person on the face of this planet will have a weakness, may it be a penchant for shopping or the occasional foot-in-mouth-titis. And the nastiest, most untrustworthy person you will ever meet will have at least a grain of goodness in them - even if it is just care for their parents, the love of a woman, appreciation of beauty, or the instinct to brake for animals crossing the road. But some flaws are easier forgiven, tolerated, and even appreciated.

I wouldn't say that my girlfriends were perfect human beings. Each has their Achilles heel. But for me, the goodness of their character and their constant striving to better themselves makes them notable people. They might have their own weaknesses but, in most cases, those weaknesses make them more endearing. I have always told them that it has been my honour to be their friend. I have always meant it. If I die tomorrow, I died a friend to such wonderful people. And that in itself is something infinitely precious to me.

A former friend of mine was ostracized by the rest of the girls a while ago. She had this constant desire to cause trouble between friends. Her backstabbing and lying grew to immense proportions until she became what is know as a batu api. She would create friction between good friends so that she could step into the breach and become important. She wanted to make herself important to everyone.

After the dust had settled, some friends asked me why I didn't warn them about this girl. I told them that at first, I didn't know. And later when I did know, I realised that had I said anything to them, I would be no better than her - creating friction among friends. But I knew that, sooner or later, her spots would be revealed and they could see for themselves. But I asked them this -

"Didn't you think it was odd that this girl spent 11 years of her life in an all girls school and came out without a single friend? How can you spend 11 years with 300 or so girls of your age and not find even one person who you could be friends with? If you had a problem with one or two or even ten people, then it might be them. But if you had a problem with everyone, it's probably you who is the problem, not them."

So my advice to guys on the market is that, if you're starting a new relationship, get your female friends to meet the girl, hang out with her. They may not think she's fantastic, but if they don't have a problem with her, chances are you won't either. Not much anyway *grin*. Usually men fail to see the wiles of a woman. But a woman cannot fool another woman for long.

Oh, and the cat man? He married that woman and was later cuckolded. She, like many others, was just after his money.