A New Beginning


There are times in your life when you're looking for a new beginning, a fresh start.

Away from the past, going towards the future that you want. A renewal.

That's where I'm at right now. God knows I need it. By the end of this year, it would have been an eventful 25 years. Too eventful. My experiences have aged me, beyond my years.

When I was younger, life was like a flight of stairs. You knew which step was coming next, when to time that step and knowing the upward direction you're taking. When I was 13, I was so very certain where I would be right now. Married, a good career, a lovely hubby and 3 kids in a cosy home. I even had the prince charming sorted out. I had simple dreams. It looked achieveable.

But then, occasionally, life throws you a curve ball (or maybe a few curve balls). I'm working for a bunch of weirdos, striving to make a better living so that I can have my dream home, recently married to my undergraduate sweetheart and living with his parents, no babies yet, colorful debts clouding under my belt, a minimum super savings account and a part time master degree to start with which my mom feels that is a waste for my career. My parents living 45 minutes away from me thus going back once a week is a must. Being the sole daughter of the family, your presence is mostly needed to balance things off.

No babies yet, a lot of commitments, very much to look forward to. No roots, no certainty as to where I'm going, nothing to ground me accept to the wonderful man that I so love. In some areas of my life I'm too ordinary and in some others, pretty extraordinary.

My flight of stairs is now still an empty page, waiting to be written on. How do I feel about it? Excited, fearful, contempative of the road ahead, that is full of possibilities. I have a sense of destiny within me and others have told me so, but for now, it doesn't matter, if I don't get there. One step at a time - whatever Life has in store for me - it will come to me.

I've realized that in Life, you don't entirely have the choice to be who you want to be - Life plays its role too, in deciding who you will become. I've found that the trick is not to be unhappy about where you think you're not, but to be happy about where you are and to look forward to where you don't know yet, you will be.

It's not about control. It's about letting go. And living through what Life has to offer you.

I hate my job, but I am thankful that I still got one.
I deteste living with my in laws, but I love the fact that my in laws are nice to me, and my nieces are there to keep my day happening with their yelling and screaming
I hate that Im not sure what I want to be, but I am happy that I never give up trying a lot of things in life and I love going for any job interview.
I hate that I cannot fit in most of my kebayas, shirts and jeans, but I love food hunting and eating with Mr Bee.

I regret that sometimes I hate my life, but I am glad that I always have this wonderful feelings that I am being loved by Mr Bee, my family and my so called friends.

Life's a beach, but reality bites, kan?