Wedding of The Totz


Yes, it has finally happened.

The Totz is well and truly married.

It has been a very hectic weekend for Koyan, what with Yan and her mom making their way to Putrajaya and everywhere almost every day. Yan in her usual way has left everything and nothing for us to help.

But, I must say, today was worth every bit of it.
And more, had it been necessary.

She was resplendant in a pure white.
Despite the miniscule, no-one-can-see her a bit senget tudong from the pulling and adjusting of the anak tudong, she looked gorgeous, beautiful and sweet.

I resent the fact that all the GirlyGirls had pegged Matun out for a 'crier'. But I have to admit that everybody was a little misty eyed. Especially when I recalled some of the conversations Yan and I had on the phone during the week running up to the wedding.

Oh I don't think I can do a full review. Too emotional at the moment.

Just a note to say congratulations to my wonderful darling friend, Koyan and Mawie. May everything be blessed and may the days to come be filled with enough challenges to keep you both strong and enough joy to keep you both happy.

Another of the Girlygirls wedding has passed. More to come...

Weddings get to me. They didn't use to, but in the past few years, they have.

I suppose it all started with my fren- Sofi's wedding slightly over 2 years ago. She is one of my theraphy frens, besides Amla, Yan, Matun, Mikun, Shara and Nita. We hung out together most of de times, we knew each other's parents, we did lunches and dinners, we bitch about ourselves, and we shared happy and bitter stories of our love lives, whenever one was currently in existence. I remember when she was telling us about this new guy she was seeing, how she'd known him almost forever, but she is too nervous to probably introduce the guy to us in the beginning, and so begun her secret dating. A few months later, they are engaged and subsequently, they are married. Two years on, and right now, she is about to celebrate Ammar’s first birthday by the end of the year. The first GirlyGirl’s baby.

I wept silently in my heart at her wedding. At the time I wasn't sure why I did. I just attributed it to heightened emotions. Lucky me, nobody saw the tiny tears flowing down my cheek. It will be an embarrassment at that point of time.

Too many weddings than I can recall have passed since then, many of which were of friends of the same age, whom I went to school with. Some of them I had known since I started school at 7, some of them whom I had known later, but became close to. Most of the weddings were of girls I was - am - friends with, but were never particularly close to. Attending all those weddings, I never really got teary, with the exception of Sofi's, of course. Like I said, none were particularly close friends. This year, and the next two or so, my diary will be filled with the weddings of friends whom I am actually close to.

Yesterday, I attended the wedding - akad nikah - of Yan. I've known her since… I can't even remember. She was my house mate back in ITM. We were always on friendly terms. The years after our schooling saw us maintaining that friendship, mainly through the GirlyGirl network. I guess I never told her how honored I felt that she invited me to witness such an important event in her life, and to share her joy today. Anyway, the point is that of all the weddings I've attended to date, hers and Sofi's were more personal than all the others. And off course, for all the Gurlygurls as well.

I knew her when she was still like budak Darjah 4 back in PPP 8 years ago. On Sunday she became somebody's wife.

I felt such a pang seeing her all dressed up for her wedding. She was so calm, so composed. So ready. I watched her demurely sit on the cushion in the masjid, listening to her very-very-soon-to-be husband recite the akad. I watched her serene expression as the lafaz was accepted by the wali and witnesses. She looked very grown up. She was all grown up.

Seeing her so composed helped me hold back my own tears. I don't know what I was tearing over, but her composure saved my own. However, had I been closer to her, no doubt there would be no holding them back. I can only imagine what it must have been like for the other Girls, who are all much closer to her than I.

"Bee, do you think things will change after I get married?"
"Duh!" <-- sarcastic married Mr Bee.
"I don't want things to change."

I know too well what that feels like. The first time I heard those words, I was the one who spoke them. The circumstances, however, were extremely different. She would be marrying and leaving me behind. I didn't want things to change. Well, I did want them to change, but not that way.

Marriage. All these friends have grown up, taking on new responsibilities willingly, embracing them with open arms. Two years ago, the thought of a commitment of that scale makes me want to run to the ends of the world. Look at me now, I am committed to a wonderful guy whom I love so much as well.

You see, marriages seem so ... cheap, what with the frequency of divorces nowadays. I don't condemn people who settle for divorce. As my mother once told me, you make the best decisions you can, but even then, they may ultimately turn out to be wrong. Your only options then are to either sleep in the bed you made, or admit your mistake and start over.

But despite of being married for the past 6 months, weddings still get to me. I'm aware of just how much dedication it takes to make a commitment like marriage, and I'm in awe that these couples have it in them.

When I think about my current responsibility by taking care of someone else, I feel so nice to give part of myself unconditionally, willingly, and derive joy from it.

And I think that it is truthfully nice to have someone like Mr Bee whom unconditionally, willingly to be responsible for me, to care for my every need, and that I could give him joy by it.

And I think it is nice to have that for the rest of my life.

Now I know why I get teary at weddings.