I forgot to post a pic of Nadyne when she was born. Ok, here is a pic of her few hrs after I delivered her in Pantai. Look at her hair, byk kan? 

Wat has mummy done 2 my cute fringe? (Nadyne's new hair look, courtesy of mummy) 

Nadyne at Great Eastern Mall..She was surprised when I snapped her pic  

This song is dedicated to my absolutely adorable princess..Ayra Nadyne Medina...Kasih Suci

Perjalanan masih jauh harus kau tempuh
Ku di sini memerhati tanpa rasa sangsi
Jangan gentar ada sabar semai di jiwa
Ku di sini mendampingi agar kau mengerti

Berlarilah kau berlari
Terbanglah dikau terbang tinggi
Bumi yang engkau jejaki
Janganlah dikau lupai

Andai kucapai si pelangi
Akan kuserah kepadamu
Agar dapat kau mewarnai
Seluruh hidup nanti

Yang hitam harus dijauhi
Jangan disimpan dalam hati
Putihkan jiwamu dengan
Kasih suci

Kuterima dirimu dengan seadanya
Dalam suka dalam duka
Kau tetap cahaya

Ku bersyukur pada Yang Esa
Punya segala-galanya
Sederhana tapi oh sempurna
Oh oh oh...

Yang hitam harus dijauhi
Jangan disimpan dalam hati
Agar dapat kau mewarnai
Seluruh hidup nanti

Putihkan jiwamu dengan
Kasih suci
 

So, my blog wont get cancelled...

Greetings!

Just stopping in between nappy changes and feeding sessions to say thank you for the well wishes. Ayra Nadyne Medina (Respectful Flower of Madinah) is now fine and well and thriving, Alhamdulillah.

The words that have been used to describe her have ranged from "feisty" to "strong-willed" and "like a boy".

Yes, she's only 1 week old, but with tons of hair :P

4.2 kg for a babygal, wat do u expect?
Will post her pic soon..

More later!

I wrote this 2 months back, but forgot to post it :)

No, I have no political commentaries to make. As my bumblebee say, I'm just going to "sit back and enjoy the show". Plus, I'm completely knackered. It's not all that easy lugging around an 8 month-and-a-bit pregnant belly (kicking Baby included).

Nearly eight months ago, when I found out I was pregnant (after 3 home tests and finally, a confirmation by the GP) I thought I'd turn this 'blog' into a pregnancy journal of sorts and record all the aches, pains and excitement for posterity (also to show Baby in the future so I can tell her, "Look, I went through all this for you and now you want to get a tattoo?"). Then I thought, who wants to know about the morning sickness, epic mood swings and assorted cramps anyway? Heck, I don't want to be responsible for putting people off having babies!

On the other hand, since I'm now on the 'final stretch' as it were, I might as well note down my myriad symptoms and 'favourite moments' while I'm still having them (and occasionally, having fun with them!)

For instance, for the past few months or so, I've been completely fascinated by my undulating tummy. Caused by my salsa-dancing baby. I know I'm going to miss this soon because apparently, there'll not be enough space for LeelWan to move around too much anymore. But it's both weird and wonderful seeing the outlines of a little fist or elbow or knee appearing on one's stomach.

And now she's* beginning to have these regular movements- there'll be a spate of thump-thump-thumping on one side of my stomach. Either she's going to be a good drummer (cool!) or she's having the hiccups (awwww!). Then there are the 'salsa-like shimmies', where there'll be a movement one side, followed by one on the other, and then a returning movement on the first side.

What I'm not enjoying however, are the third-trimester symptoms- e.g., the heartburn and the fact that my fingers and toes have swelled up so much they look like sausages worthy of any Oktoberfest. I suppose I'm paying for a relatively painless second trimester (with the exception of night-time leg cramps) during which I think I literally took 'eating for two' to heart, which has resulted in me looking like 'Seris and more' :P

*Dr Idris has confirmed twice that it's a girl. Mr Bumblebee doesn't seem to mind the fact that he won't get to name a child 'Anaqy' (to be referred to as Lord Vader when older). Next time around remind me not to say things like "If you can find the meaning of Anaqi then you're welcome to name our son, if we have one, that" because with my luck, Anaqy will turn out to mean, "golongan yang menambat hatiku" (which it did, since Mr Bumblebee actually bothered looking). Since it's practically confirmed that LeelWan is a 'Nadyne',

InsyAllah, my mom has vowed to go berserk in the frilly and pink section of baby island in Jusco.

Love Actually

Let's look at it this way, love would somehow, in a way, make you a totally different person, because for one thing, you have already dropped your personal space force field to let someone be a part of your life. I always have had this theory that your "comfort level circle", your "radius of personal space" depends on who it is.

If you're a stranger, you may have a radius of 6 feet.

If you're a friend, maybe it’s about 2-3 feet.

If you're very good friends (girlygirls), maybe its about 6 inches to a foot…Although i remember somebody telling me how someone shrieked "PERSONAL SPACE PERSONAL SPACE" for an approaching hug... ;)

If you're family, most probably inches...

If you're a significant other, you'll extend your hand to be held, hehe or closer than dat (Altogether now..Awwwwww)

That doesn't mean you have to change your habits (well, table manners is a different thing.. :p) and you even hardly need to make a compromise to change your daily schedule.

I know I never want him to quit his freaking busy job .Hey, good for him, good for me too (more money for us to shop and pay for the bills):p but once in a while, skipping a day or two from work (like we did..hehe) was exciting.

It was as if we got out from a scheduled trip by waking up a lil bit late (although we have set the alarm an hour earlier) and suddenly decide to go to a nice little mamak for breakfast and do "people watch".. and then go to OU for a window shopping, and voila! We both just run off from work!

I will just SMS my boss telling him that I got a fever (which he never call back to verify it, I normally just get “OK” reply via SMS), and he will call his office sounding very sick and telling his boss that he is down with fever, and demn, they’ll buy it too.

"People watch” eh its cool ok, you see so many characters that you don’t notice pass you by during your hectic day and its always nice to have someone with to b*tch about how the slit would not need to be THAT high... or how actually a lass with a 21 cm waist can have astonishing bosom (cup E ok? R u kidding me?)*mata terbeliak*

As much as some people might not pick up, you are slightly more tolerant on the negatives of your significant other.. and not actually disregard them (like what someone said *high fives*). you're too happy and won't care about petty things....ideally of course :D

Life's not always about good fried rice, ayam tandoori and sticky cheese nan, Chillis cuisine, great music, brad pitt or jon bon jovi (my taste) and salma hayek or drew barrymore (his). Like anyone else in this world, i too have my resentments, my f**k ups, imperfections and all but I've learnt, to the best of my -limited- abilities to refocus my energy on some insecurities to a more constructive behavior.

damn..thats deep..HAHAHAHAHHA

And My Hubby Bumblebee,

regardless how clumsy you can be at times,

how often and loud you can fart and burp again and again in an hour,

how obsessed you get over your palm, laptop, IE, Networking, or your V-Sat work,

how some older women at your office like to tease you how cute your face and butt looks like (takes out sniper gun..),

how you go goo goo gaa gaa over the black Gibson Guitar

just how you would loveeeee to argue with me on who should wakeup and go mandi first in the morning and in the evening

i love you and thank you for loving me in spite of my shortcomings and for being exactly who you are ;)

~Your Wifey

p/s - anybody needs a bucket to puke? hehehe awww COME ON! it wasn't thaaaaaat bad! :P Its our 1st anniversary.

The Internet Connection

"Love that we cannot see"

Joe Fox: You're crazy about him...
Kathleen Kelly: Yes. I am.
Joe Fox: Then why don't you run off with him? What are you waiting for?
Kathleen Kelly: I don't actually know him.
Joe Fox: Really?
Kathleen Kelly: We only know each other - oh, God, you're not going to believe this...
Joe Fox: Let me guess. From the Internet.
Kathleen Kelly: Yes.
Joe Fox: You have mail.
Kathleen Kelly: Yes.
Joe Fox: Very powerful words.
Kathleen Kelly: Yes.

(Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan, You’ve Got Mail-1998)

Both of us were waiting hungrily for our orders to arrive when my other half asked me, “Is it okay for a girl to fall for a guy over the internet?” My automatic reply was, “I thought girls are more vulnerable to get involved in such situations?” The startled look on his face hinted that I was somewhat inaccurate; perhaps it is because he is surrounded by friends who are not as internetly active as he is.

I think the question should not be gender-biased, but more on its general outlook – is it okay to even fall in love over the net?

If I were to ask this to my dad, the muqaddimah to his answers would always be “Yes, and No.” while he moves his right palm to the right side when saying Yes and to the opposite when saying No. He always sees things working in a two-way system, which is one thing I personally admire. When there’s good, there’s always the bad and it all depends on us how we maneuver the wheel. I guess this question goes through everybody’s minds when they come across a person (via pictures, blogs, websites, whatever) who suddenly gives them butterflies in their stomachs. I used to get that too.

Human can never run from attractions, be it of their own or other’s. We see people everyday and with such weak hearts we get affected so easily by beautiful eyes or red lips, soft hair or shy smile, and in some (or most) cases: big boobs or butts :P But is it ever just the physical attributes of a person that could make you happy? Is it ever just his dark mysterious eyes or his soft hands that would promise you a comfortable marriage life, free from interference from family and work? Or could her Chinese nose and black Spanish hair that melt you every time you see her spare you trust and loyalty?

For many lucky people, they could. However, there is nothing un-okay with meeting the one from the internet. Someone’s uncle met his wife online, someone else’s sister is happily married for almost a year now with her husband whom she met on MSN or something, and some other person is madly in love with her beau who likes her through Friendster months ago.

Yeah. Friendster, Myspace, MSN Flirt, Yahoo Personals. Don’t call them the desperados; they’re just looking around, like everybody else. It is the same like you going to the club trying to pick-up a chick, or attending a wedding with hope that your mother would introduce you to the bride’s sister or best maid, or joining a yoga class to see who has the best view from behind, or going through the personal pages in URTV or Mangga (I know somebody still does this nganganga!). The only thing that differ this matter is the medium, which is the Internet. Only that we are more exposed to frauds or sly dishonesties through pictures that may have been manipulated or untrue description of individuals. It happens, because the net is where it is the hardest to really know if a person is genuine and which offers people the opportunity to show a side of them that they could not in real life.

The safe part of it (which I like) is that emails and personal messages allow us to get to know a person intellectually first. We can judge a person from the way he starts his email (whether it’s a polite gentleman introduction with a Hello, How are you or any of such, or the rempit style that, with no effort to type out a mere five letter word of Hello, straight away goes Leh knalan?). Emails, messages and any sort of writing have their own body languages too, and they do have the power of revealing the kind of person we are.

Unless, if there is any one out there who would make extra effort to pretend to be dumb. Tactically.

It is a form of subtle romance, sparked by simple words depicting the desire of getting to know each other for either a long-term or just a plain platonic relationship, because that is the only way for you to share your emotions – through words. And it matters very much of how you construct them sentences. Wherever it leads you to, there is always something to learn. Back in my study time, my communication lecturer used to tell my class that when someone is in love, he can write just about anything on paper even if he’s not a poet. It is a nice feeling, it is the time when the world seems like a happy place and no matter wherever you are, you are always inspired to think and write.

People present themselves online in different ways. The poetic ones would write beautifully, those who are creative would express more graphically, the ones loving photography would tell about themselves through pictures…so on and so forth. In a way, it is easier to communicate with people because of the absence of shyness. If there was a guy I never knew of at all introduced to me and he only talks (a bit) if I do or vice versa, it won’t go any further than us being just a waste of time and money on that coffee.

I appreciate words, which is why You’ve Got Mail is one of my favorite movies (aside from its cast, Meg Ryan). Given the opportunity to interact with a person online offers us some knowledge of what kind of personality this person has and it allows us to be prepared when we meet up. Sort of like a medium of making things easier or more comfortable in first dates. Some people might take advantage on this and appearing as somebody who they are not simply because the people they’re meeting up with likes a certain kind of people.

There are always problems as well. First situation: two people living not in the same region/country/land. Issue: Distance. From here, many other little issues would come to follow: costs of travel, phone bills, etc. And to many people, it is the fear of getting disappointed when meeting up for the first time, fear that the person might not be as what they expected or saw in pictures. Well, if you have known that person for quite some time and the way her/his brain combines romance with words just sweeps you off the ground, would it matter if he turned out to be just a normal chicken rather than a rooster?

Not to me, because it is the mind and the manners that matters.

However, this would only look beautiful and only will the beauty be felt when it applies to a certain group of age, preferably for the adults. I somehow fail to see romance if this occurs to teenagers, because teenagers + internet = self-absorbance and the probability for a long-term relationship to happen is barely one in a million. Net-love is romantic, but I do not see it in such just because Nora Ephron managed to make Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan look so cute together through their laptops, but simply because of the excitement of opening your inbox or logging onto the internet to know more about that one particular person. Every time.

Oh yeah, I think I forgot to mention that I first met my husband online, 5 years ago. That gives me a wittier reason to write this, kan? ;)

The Simplest Things

I used to think I knew what I wanted.

I suppose I still kind of do, but is it everything I need?

I want a nice, huge house. You know, like those that you see in the Anjung Seri and Impiana magazines. And off course, most of the rooms' settings are more or less de same like Ikea's.

I want to have my own jet so I can fly to Paris should I fancy.

I want a jacuzzi in my backyard. So I can bath like a princess, with candles and nice smelling potpourri surrounding my pool.

I want my own MPV or SUV. The most cikai one for me is Honda Stream where I can use to send my kids to school or to bring my girlfriends for window shopping.

I want a humongous library, crammed chock-full with books. Not in my home, off course. I want to own a bookstore. U know like the one in "You've Got Mail". No, not the small one owns by Meg Ryan. The big one, where Tom Hanks owns it- Fox Bookstore. Yeah, I want that. I really really want a library of my own exactly just like that.

But do I really need any of it?

But it'd be silly comparing deep-seated desires to material ones.
Nevertheless, the premise remains: do I really need everything I want?

And do I know what it is I really need?

Most times I think I don't. I'm just beginning to realise how much I don't.
And only when it hits you like a face-first belly-flop off a 5-foot springboard into the pool do you realise how much you've been needing it. And by the time you realise it, just pray and be grateful it is not too late.

You take so many things for granted when you think what you want is what you need. Kan? Kan?

:) Im just feeling blessed rite now.

Wonder Woman

I have had several discussions with different people on the topic of the female psyche.

It has always been a problem for men to figure out what a woman is really like. Is she really nice and kind or is that facade hiding the modern answer to the Wicked Witch of the West? Some men have resorted to using 'signs'. One man I know actually went on the basis of cats. He thought that if a cat approaches a woman and takes to her, that means she's a good sort. Animals know, he says.

I would rather think that she had something fishy up her sleeve. Literally.

The best way to figure out a woman's character is through her female friends. What manages to fool a man cannot fool another woman. Discounting for jealousy and petty cattiness, a woman will always see what another woman is about. Call it instinct, ESP or the sixth sense, a woman will always be able to see through the facade and understand the motivations of another woman's actions.

The men I've known have always been taken in by a pretty face and what they perceive to be a good person. And after the brand is produced and the ownership is clearly defined, they are either in too deep to see the woods for the trees, or are stunned by the revelations of her true nature.

I've realised after encounters with certain members of my own sex, that the quickest way to decide, on first contact, whether a person is trustworthy, is to see if she has close friends of her own gender. A woman cannot hide her true self from another woman for long before tripping up. And most women will shy away from unsavoury characters and keep them at arm's length. I've noticed that women who are back stabbers, liars, or have huge character flaws don't usually have close female friends - as they've probably backstabbed or lied to these friends. And as a result, have lost them.

A while ago, it dawned on me that there is no one who is truly good or evil. I was used to seeing things in absolute that I had not noticed that absolutes don't exist in the real world. The nicest, best person on the face of this planet will have a weakness, may it be a penchant for shopping or the occasional foot-in-mouth-titis. And the nastiest, most untrustworthy person you will ever meet will have at least a grain of goodness in them - even if it is just care for their parents, the love of a woman, appreciation of beauty, or the instinct to brake for animals crossing the road. But some flaws are easier forgiven, tolerated, and even appreciated.

I wouldn't say that my girlfriends were perfect human beings. Each has their Achilles heel. But for me, the goodness of their character and their constant striving to better themselves makes them notable people. They might have their own weaknesses but, in most cases, those weaknesses make them more endearing. I have always told them that it has been my honour to be their friend. I have always meant it. If I die tomorrow, I died a friend to such wonderful people. And that in itself is something infinitely precious to me.

A former friend of mine was ostracized by the rest of the girls a while ago. She had this constant desire to cause trouble between friends. Her backstabbing and lying grew to immense proportions until she became what is know as a batu api. She would create friction between good friends so that she could step into the breach and become important. She wanted to make herself important to everyone.

After the dust had settled, some friends asked me why I didn't warn them about this girl. I told them that at first, I didn't know. And later when I did know, I realised that had I said anything to them, I would be no better than her - creating friction among friends. But I knew that, sooner or later, her spots would be revealed and they could see for themselves. But I asked them this -

"Didn't you think it was odd that this girl spent 11 years of her life in an all girls school and came out without a single friend? How can you spend 11 years with 300 or so girls of your age and not find even one person who you could be friends with? If you had a problem with one or two or even ten people, then it might be them. But if you had a problem with everyone, it's probably you who is the problem, not them."

So my advice to guys on the market is that, if you're starting a new relationship, get your female friends to meet the girl, hang out with her. They may not think she's fantastic, but if they don't have a problem with her, chances are you won't either. Not much anyway *grin*. Usually men fail to see the wiles of a woman. But a woman cannot fool another woman for long.

Oh, and the cat man? He married that woman and was later cuckolded. She, like many others, was just after his money.

Been here before...

Another Monday or another week is well and truly started. I'm back in my spot on the cubicle in the 37th floor in my office, bopping along to music that only I can hear, trying to stay awake as I meet another work deadline. Hurrah *not!*

My mummy arrived in KL yesterday after 5 days of being outstation. Ergh.. scratch that. I always feel geli whenever I call her that. Lets start again..

Im gonna see Mak when I go back to her house again this week. Since I’ve been married and I don’t live there anymore; the situation will be slightly different now, because I will be more like a guest visiting her at home.

But since my dad has requested me to come over 2 days earlier before Mak’s arrival, to clean the house since my father will not be there on the day of her arrival, I knew that I just have to come home because it is always hard for me to say NO to any of his request.

Anyway, I've been counting the days to her arrival with much trepidation. She isn't the easiest customer. Actually, she's the customer who will drive you up the wall because she sends her steak back three times, the first because its overdone (I said Medium-well, not well done!), the second because the sauce wasn't separated as she instructed (I told you to serve the sauce separately!) and the third time because it was the wrong sauce (Black pepper! There are no mushrooms in black pepper sauce!). But because of her demanding nature, she is very well respected in her field. Anything that has my Mak's signature is sure to pass the most stringent of quality controls. And because of that same demanding nature, we've always been accustomed to the best that she can afford. Never mind that we always breathe a great sigh of relief every time she says she won't be having dinner at home. Altogether now *haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah*

So you can imagine the high stress levels I have been experiencing when I was in school, what with juggling schoolwork and my Mak's arrival every time she came back from outstation. My father took to calling me every morning to remind me of what needed to be done before her arrival. Yes, Ayah, the carpet has been combed out and the bathroom is spotless. Yes, Ayah, I have everything ready. No, Ayah, I don't mind to cook for dinner. Yes, Ayah, I'll make sure I get her Nescafe 3 in 1 ready. *sigh*

But now that she's back, I suddenly feel a piercing emotion I've never felt before for my Mak. You see, I am now 5-6 months preggie. Im a few more miles to start my motherhood journey. Im gonna be somebody Mak too. And when you are at my stage, you slowly start to see things differently. And that what is happening to me.

She and I never had the same camaraderie that she and my big brother enjoy. With us, there is always this quiet uncomfortable silence, of two people who know that there should be more said but nothing comes to mind. And she has always been that distant figure in my life, the one my father reports to when something happens and where we turn to for financial backing. I know that I'm a complete leech in this case, but I have to be honest and say it like it is. Yes I am a leech on my mother's existence. But somehow, I've never felt as bad as I do now, looking at her.

For the first time, I see my Mak as an old woman. So scared of estranging me. So concerned for my well-being but unable to show me that she cares because showing emotions doesn't come easily to her. She shows it to me in the things she can afford to buy for me and the easy life she gives me.

But I, being the fool, have always failed to see that.But as I watch her treading carefully around me, without my father or my brother to act as a buffer between us, I realize that she is haunted by the same trepidation as I feel. Even more, perhaps, since she remembers me longer than I remember myself. And I am sad - that I am so formal with the woman I call Mak. That I don't know how to give her a hug. Or tell her things that a mother should know about his daughter, her only daughter for 25 years. The laughter always feels strained, and the advice is always careful, careful. She makes sure she puts a disclaimer at the end of every sentence, because I am an adult, and she sees that. She affords me more respect than my father does, and yet she is the stranger. She is the one I don't know.

*pause*

You know, I didn't plan on writing about this. I was going to write a cute, happy entry about songs and weird people at work. Hence the now very-wrong title. But as I began typing, the whole thing just started pouring out. And now I am sitting here, stunned, and wondering where it all came from.

But I won't erase this. For wiping it clean will be like refusing to acknowledge the truth within me. And I will not lie to myself.

Why, oh Why???


Why is it that when you're feeling especially, exceptionally bloated, you cannot resist scarfing down chocolates by the tonnes? (Im typing this with one hand, and the other hand is holding a snicker bar)

And why is it that you keep wanting to eat eat eat eventhough you feel your chin growing a twin (ker triplets nih)?(All you lucky people who don't have this urge, I hate you! Go away!! >oP)

Oh God. Ni baru 2nd trimester. I'm going to feel like the Hindenburg when I'm towards the last trimester of my preggers.Oh God.I am sooooooo FAAAAAAT!!!!.... I eat like a Godzilla!

But I'll bet a pink Baby-Gshock would make me feel better. Although the blue one kinda kicks serious cool ass too. ;o)

P/S: I heard Shaz from MixFm said "Married, Fat and Happy peeps couldnt care less about their body sizes." Which I think its ultimately TRUE. :)

Snickers anyone?
 

A Book, Someone?

Matun came back from her 15 days outstation in Bangkok (fully paid trip by WD, plis gimme a single reason why i shouldnt envy her!), and she gave us a very beautifully crafted bookmark as a souvenir. Each and everyone of us received a different crafted designs, and off course we were brawling like a 7 year old kids on who should get the most beautiful one. Mcm bdk2 fighting over a bookmark, hehehe.

All of us were actually head over heels on her nice bangkok chinos dat she was wearing that nite. Like Micks put it "Y didnt u get us one of those instead of a bookmark?". Hehehe. Anyway, I plan to get one 4 myself one day if ever I manage to get to Bangkok. Kene kumpul pitih dulu le nampaknye. But a trip to Bangkok in 2005 looks far away than possible. I guess I just have to be patient and sort out my financial priorities since org baru is coming in July.

This year is our most "flat broke" year in history. Besides spending lavishly on the wedding last year, we were left destitute once de wedding is over. We are now officially paying 1 service apartment in damansara perdana and a house in Bukit Beruntung. Sometimes we do feel a lil bit poignant coz we cannot really enjoy our monthly income like we used to as we carry more monetary loads than any of our frens out there. But then again, when I sit with my bumblebee, we always talk this thing out, and convince each other that we never ever once regret our decision to invest on properties. I am happy that at least I got a partner to share my burden with. We always feel that we have to do this for our future.

Currently, we are refinancing the house in bukit beruntung in order for us to settle some debts like the car and the wicked credit cards. But, going thru the process with the banks, and the lawyers were indeed tedious and gruelling than i ever thot it could be. And worse still, we ended up paying almost 10K for all the fees! (to the previous financial institution, lawyers fees, developer's fees, and miscellaneous fees.)
Demn! I almost shed a tear when I saw all the statements.
I'll tell more of this later. Its gonna make this entry too long.

Back to the bookmark chronicle, I simply love the wooden stir when I lay my hand on it . Its so subtle and elusive. I even kept it nicely in my handbag. But I havent read for ages! Well, magazines dun count lah kan. I am not an avid reader like I used to be anymore. Like my colleague said the other day " U better start reading, if not nanti ur baby malas membaca".

But what to read?

I need something to read. Usually, I have the memory of a sieve. For obvious reasons, this is generally bad. When it comes to my books though, it's a bit of a blessing as that means that I can read my books over and over again, and every time I read it, it's as if I'm reading the story brand new. However, numerous repititions of the same old stories tend to drill them into me head.

This, unfortunately, has happened with just about every book I own. Or any book I care to read right now, that is. I opened my cupboard and couldn't find a single thing to read. It's like opening a closet overflowing with clothes and having to yell in total desperation, "I have nothing to wear!!!" The girls should understand what I mean.

Nak pergi Kinokuniya or MPH, tak ada duit. Macam mana niiiiii???!!!!

I hope my bumblebee can buy me a new book to read. I hope u r reading this sayang :)
 

Paree, you darling whore, you.

Ladies and gentlemen,
I have a life-altering announcement to make.
I succumbed to the siren's call that is the Miramax marketing machine.
I watched Le Fabeleux Destin d'Amelie Poulain yesterday.
AGAIN.
The 10th times.
Yes. It's a beauty of a movie.
Audrey Tatou is the epitome of gamine charm.
I crave Paris.

-------------------------

I want to browse amongst the book stalls along the Seine and caress the weathered spines of books whose titles still remain a delightful mystery.

I want to stand in front of Manet's Le Dejeuner Sur l'Herbe in Musee d'Orsay and return the come-hither stare of the lone naked woman.

I want to catch a glimpse of pigeons making love on the head of Rodin's Thinker from a bus.

I want to look down at the Ecole Millitaire from the Eiffel Tower and dare my fwen to jump into the pond.

I want to tip-toe up the rickety stairs of the Shakespeare Book Company in the Latin Quarter and discover the tiny room with the old typewriter and the moth-eaten bed.

I want to fight my way through the gaggle of Japanese tourists au cameras thronging the Mona Lisa and wonder what the fuss was all about.

I want a cup of caffe au lait and crack the top of a perfect creme brulee without having to say that the caffe must be French.

I want to walk along the Champs Elysee and look at the chic Parisiennes with their chic dogs while thinking "I am walking along the Champs Elysee!".

I want to pay too much for postcards in a Tabac.

I want Gare du Nord and Austerlitz.

I want to buy that bottle of au minerale from the nice Cambodian boy.

Ah, Amelie, petit jolie jeune fille, you made me forget what a bitch Paris can be.

Paris, that Grand Dame of courtesans whose beauty mark is Montmartre.

She has known enough to turn her charms on for the cameras.

And turn it off for poor dreamers like me.

I really dream of going to France *Sob sob sob*

Tu pense que je peut?

"Concentrate on what cannot lie. The evidence..." -- Gil Grissom

Not only is CSI one of my favorite shows, but it is one of the highest rated dramas of the year.

CrimeSceneInvestigation (SeeAssEye)

Not since the days of the X-Files have Ive been glued to the television to watch forensic experts peer through microscopes and dust bathtubs for fingerprints. CSI is the breakout hit of 2002/2003 TV season. To viewers like me, that comes as no surprise. Intriguing plots combined with the offbeat atmosphere of Las Vegas, as well as an impressive cast, are drawing in an average of zillion viewers all over de world each week.

The series chronicles the lives of a passionate team of crime scene investigators in Las Vegas: Gil Grissom (William Petersen), the senior forensics officer who lives and breathes his job; Catherine Willows (Marg Helgenberger), an ex-stripper and single mother juggling the job she loves and her daughter; Warrick Brown (Gary Dourdan), a junior investigator who learns some of his lessons the hard ways; Nick Stokes (George Eads), whose charming manner goes a long way in aiding investigations, and Sara Sidel (Jorja Fox), the newest member of the team. Captain Jim Grass (Paul Guilfoyle) is a no-nonsense investigator who assists from his position in Homicide.

The show can sometimes be vivid in its portrayal of crime scenes; the camera zooms in on bullet wound on a cadaver on the autopsy table, or focuses on a severed leg pulled out a lake. However, death isn't all the criminalists handle: they tackle hookers who are mysteriously passing out, car accidents with missing drivers, kidnappings and thefts. Any crime where the proper gathering and dissection of evidence leads the police to a solution and an arrest.

A few bizarre tidbits tossed out from my observation on CSI:

· Gil Grissom, a 40-something supervisor described as "a cross between Mr. Rogers and Bill Gates, but has the intelligence of Albert Einstein." He supervised a team of "brilliant kids, ages 26 to 32, who carry badges, guns and get paid to solve puzzles for 10 hours."

· A criminalist is someone who uses forensic science to solve a crime. They're not criminologists, who study the nature of crime and criminals. They're usually civilians with a science background in biology, chemistry or physics. So our gangs, despite their quirks, are all highly educated in one aspect or another.

· A coroner is a public official, appointed or elected, in a selected geographic jurisdiction, whose official duty is to make inquiry into deaths under certain circumstances. A coroner does not have to be a physician.

· A medical examiner is a physician. They investigate (autopsy, etc.) when a person dies a sudden, unexpected or violent death.

· A pathologist is a physician trained in the medical specialty of pathology. Pathology deals with the diagnosis of disease and causes of death by means of laboratory examination of body fluids, cell samples, and tissues.

· A forensic pathologist is a sub specialist in pathology who examines persons who die a sudden, unexpected or violent death.

They'll be airing the new season of CSI in Astro tonite, I hope those who love the show like I do will not miss the first case for the brand new season J Happy watching folks!

P/S: Yes, yes, I do think Grissom is mature and sexy. The same way I look at Anthony Hopkins too. Grissom is indeed the chief character who brings out the zest for CSI.

Monday note-V-Day

My other half and me, we never celebrate Valentine's Day, as he is so against it, but I always believe that you should celebrate de one u love not only on de Feb 14th, or on her/his birthday,
or even during ur anniversary alone. Love should be celebrated every day with ur partner, ur family and frens. Life is too short for us, thus celebrating ur loved ones only on those special occasions, like once or twice a year alone, is dreadfully insufficient.

Why do I say so? I went to a wedding last night in Taman Tun. Sharing the same table with us are a bunch of Am's frens. Most of them are married, some are singles. I was de only lass there. Everybody was so busy throwing jokes and updating on their lives, as they haven't seen each other for ages. But amidst of all the jokes and laughter, I did notice there is this one particular guy who is so reserved, just staring at everybody. He tried to smile at me. A weak smile I suppose. Something is not right about him. But I just don't know why.

Just to be polite, I slowly smiled back at him. Now I remembered this guy. I recognized his face because he used to study in MMU too. But he was alone. I thought he was married too. Maybe his wife couldn't make it to the wedding.

So, I just ignored him during the wedding and trying my best to concentrate on the bride and groom. But the tasty prawns and de fatty chicken make it difficult for me to put my finest focus on the happiest couple.

After the wedding, on our way back home, I ask Am about dat guy.
Looking at me, he said "His wife is sick, very sick"
"Sakit apa?" I asked. The face of his wife started to emerge on my mind. Yes, they are quite close in MMU, and they were even together long before Am and I met.

Am quietly said to me, "Wife die kene kanser. That's why he came alone. He even postponed his part time courses becoz he wants to take care of his wife."
I was shocked. I couldn't say a word to it.

They've been married for less than 2 years. His wife is just a year older than me. They are just about to start their lives like we did. I cannot imagine how this guy feels.
I felt sorry for him. I felt like I just want to call him and said how sorry I was to hear about his wife. But I don't know him that well, so it will be rather awkward to give him a call out of nowhere and say that.

Both of us sit silently in the car. Normally we will sing joyfully to the songs from the radio, but last night we were like ghosts.

When we are about to reach home in Klang, Am said to me,
"I want to grow old with you. Kalau kita dah tua nanti, kalau awak pergi dulu, mesti saya sedih tinggal sorang2. I will remember your cooking, the smell of your smelly armpit, your perfume..semualah. Mesti sedih masa tu"

I turned around and looked at him and I cried.
"Awakkkk sedihnyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. That's de saddest thing u ever said to me for all this while Ive known u". His words really cuffed me.
Yes, Im still thinking all of the above until today while I'm in the office.
I called him 5 times today just to say Sorry if I did anything wrong to him all this while. I never called him more than 3 times on a normal working day. Sometimes I didn't call him at all. But today I did.
For my dear frens who r celebrating Valentine's, happy celebrating it.
And for those of u who r not celebrating it like me, no worries LOVE still or will come softly.

9 weeks ago...my sweet lil angle is so small :) 

THEY CALLED IT TSU-NA-MIE


MasyAllah.

I remember Geography lessons in school, whenever we were taught about the Ring of Fire, the class would be ended with a claim, slightly tinged with hubris- "Unlike its neighbours, Malaysia is fortunate to be excluded from the Rim of Fire". Not for us the sudden devastation of volcano eruptions, earthquakes, tidal waves, aftershocks.

Until last Sunday.

Atheists would say that Sunday's tragedy had nothing to do with God. Scientists would tell us that two massive undersea tectonic plates, out of random coincidence, simply crashed. I'm neither an atheist nor a scientist, I'm afraid. I believe that it is impossible for the human mind to fully comprehend the nature and rationale behind the power of God. I don't know why tragedies happen, but I do know this- to me they act as a reminder to those who are left behind, shaking their heads, hands clasped to mouths.

They remind us that life, despite political upheavals, civilization, evolution, what we call progress- is too short. They remind us that everything, even countries, can be swept away in a matter of moments. They remind us that God is always there.

Always.

"I'm Old Today, it's my Birthday"


Top 5 things I have been/will be doing on my 25th (Gregorian) Day of Birth:-

1. Thank God. Alhamdulillah.
Allah Selamatkan Kamu...Allah Selamatkan kamu, Allah selamatkan Wan Seri Rahayu, Allah selamatkan kamuuuuu

2. Plan Next Steps in World Domination™.

3. Repetitively chant, "I'm Older Today, Its My Birthday Honey" until spousal unit’s ears bleed. Dude, a berfdey chic has to have some recompense.

4. Pretend to be surprised when spousal unit bring you to dinner tonite.Tip: If you want to surprise your beloved by bringing them to exclusive dinner, try not to dress up smartly for work (if you normally wears just a collared t-shirt to work) or try 2 ask her to dress up beautifully today, and especially try not to ask her the day before what she feels like eating tomorrow -15th times.

Happy Birthday To Me :)

To Whom It May Concern

Sorry, too

Nauseated

Lazy

Tired

Bloated

Crampy

Uninspired

Apathetic

Zero craving for food

Did I mention tired?

to write.

'Normal' writing will resume after the first trimester end.


P/s:- Fetus still in womb. The size of a peanut. The tiny heart is continuously pounding.
Blink, blink, blink, blink...