Let's look at it this way, love would somehow, in a way, make you a totally different person, because for one thing, you have already dropped your personal space force field to let someone be a part of your life. I always have had this theory that your "comfort level circle", your "radius of personal space" depends on who it is.
If you're a stranger, you may have a radius of 6 feet.
If you're a friend, maybe it’s about 2-3 feet.
If you're very good friends (girlygirls), maybe its about 6 inches to a foot…Although i remember somebody telling me how someone shrieked "PERSONAL SPACE PERSONAL SPACE" for an approaching hug... ;)
If you're family, most probably inches...
If you're a significant other, you'll extend your hand to be held, hehe or closer than dat (Altogether now..Awwwwww)
That doesn't mean you have to change your habits (well, table manners is a different thing.. :p) and you even hardly need to make a compromise to change your daily schedule.
I know I never want him to quit his freaking busy job .Hey, good for him, good for me too (more money for us to shop and pay for the bills):p but once in a while, skipping a day or two from work (like we did..hehe) was exciting.
It was as if we got out from a scheduled trip by waking up a lil bit late (although we have set the alarm an hour earlier) and suddenly decide to go to a nice little mamak for breakfast and do "people watch".. and then go to OU for a window shopping, and voila! We both just run off from work!
I will just SMS my boss telling him that I got a fever (which he never call back to verify it, I normally just get “OK” reply via SMS), and he will call his office sounding very sick and telling his boss that he is down with fever, and demn, they’ll buy it too.
"People watch” eh its cool ok, you see so many characters that you don’t notice pass you by during your hectic day and its always nice to have someone with to b*tch about how the slit would not need to be THAT high... or how actually a lass with a 21 cm waist can have astonishing bosom (cup E ok? R u kidding me?)*mata terbeliak*
As much as some people might not pick up, you are slightly more tolerant on the negatives of your significant other.. and not actually disregard them (like what someone said *high fives*). you're too happy and won't care about petty things....ideally of course :D
Life's not always about good fried rice, ayam tandoori and sticky cheese nan, Chillis cuisine, great music, brad pitt or jon bon jovi (my taste) and salma hayek or drew barrymore (his). Like anyone else in this world, i too have my resentments, my f**k ups, imperfections and all but I've learnt, to the best of my -limited- abilities to refocus my energy on some insecurities to a more constructive behavior.
damn..thats deep..HAHAHAHAHHA
And My Hubby Bumblebee,
regardless how clumsy you can be at times,
how often and loud you can fart and burp again and again in an hour,
how obsessed you get over your palm, laptop, IE, Networking, or your V-Sat work,
how some older women at your office like to tease you how cute your face and butt looks like (takes out sniper gun..),
how you go goo goo gaa gaa over the black Gibson Guitar
just how you would loveeeee to argue with me on who should wakeup and go mandi first in the morning and in the evening
i love you and thank you for loving me in spite of my shortcomings and for being exactly who you are ;)
~Your Wifey
p/s - anybody needs a bucket to puke? hehehe awww COME ON! it wasn't thaaaaaat bad! :P Its our 1st anniversary.
Friday, April 29, 2005
Thursday, April 07, 2005
The Internet Connection
"Love that we cannot see"
Joe Fox: You're crazy about him...
Kathleen Kelly: Yes. I am.
Joe Fox: Then why don't you run off with him? What are you waiting for?
Kathleen Kelly: I don't actually know him.
Joe Fox: Really?
Kathleen Kelly: We only know each other - oh, God, you're not going to believe this...
Joe Fox: Let me guess. From the Internet.
Kathleen Kelly: Yes.
Joe Fox: You have mail.
Kathleen Kelly: Yes.
Joe Fox: Very powerful words.
Kathleen Kelly: Yes.
(Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan, You’ve Got Mail-1998)
Both of us were waiting hungrily for our orders to arrive when my other half asked me, “Is it okay for a girl to fall for a guy over the internet?” My automatic reply was, “I thought girls are more vulnerable to get involved in such situations?” The startled look on his face hinted that I was somewhat inaccurate; perhaps it is because he is surrounded by friends who are not as internetly active as he is.
I think the question should not be gender-biased, but more on its general outlook – is it okay to even fall in love over the net?
If I were to ask this to my dad, the muqaddimah to his answers would always be “Yes, and No.” while he moves his right palm to the right side when saying Yes and to the opposite when saying No. He always sees things working in a two-way system, which is one thing I personally admire. When there’s good, there’s always the bad and it all depends on us how we maneuver the wheel. I guess this question goes through everybody’s minds when they come across a person (via pictures, blogs, websites, whatever) who suddenly gives them butterflies in their stomachs. I used to get that too.
Human can never run from attractions, be it of their own or other’s. We see people everyday and with such weak hearts we get affected so easily by beautiful eyes or red lips, soft hair or shy smile, and in some (or most) cases: big boobs or butts :P But is it ever just the physical attributes of a person that could make you happy? Is it ever just his dark mysterious eyes or his soft hands that would promise you a comfortable marriage life, free from interference from family and work? Or could her Chinese nose and black Spanish hair that melt you every time you see her spare you trust and loyalty?
For many lucky people, they could. However, there is nothing un-okay with meeting the one from the internet. Someone’s uncle met his wife online, someone else’s sister is happily married for almost a year now with her husband whom she met on MSN or something, and some other person is madly in love with her beau who likes her through Friendster months ago.
Yeah. Friendster, Myspace, MSN Flirt, Yahoo Personals. Don’t call them the desperados; they’re just looking around, like everybody else. It is the same like you going to the club trying to pick-up a chick, or attending a wedding with hope that your mother would introduce you to the bride’s sister or best maid, or joining a yoga class to see who has the best view from behind, or going through the personal pages in URTV or Mangga (I know somebody still does this nganganga!). The only thing that differ this matter is the medium, which is the Internet. Only that we are more exposed to frauds or sly dishonesties through pictures that may have been manipulated or untrue description of individuals. It happens, because the net is where it is the hardest to really know if a person is genuine and which offers people the opportunity to show a side of them that they could not in real life.
The safe part of it (which I like) is that emails and personal messages allow us to get to know a person intellectually first. We can judge a person from the way he starts his email (whether it’s a polite gentleman introduction with a Hello, How are you or any of such, or the rempit style that, with no effort to type out a mere five letter word of Hello, straight away goes Leh knalan?). Emails, messages and any sort of writing have their own body languages too, and they do have the power of revealing the kind of person we are.
Unless, if there is any one out there who would make extra effort to pretend to be dumb. Tactically.
It is a form of subtle romance, sparked by simple words depicting the desire of getting to know each other for either a long-term or just a plain platonic relationship, because that is the only way for you to share your emotions – through words. And it matters very much of how you construct them sentences. Wherever it leads you to, there is always something to learn. Back in my study time, my communication lecturer used to tell my class that when someone is in love, he can write just about anything on paper even if he’s not a poet. It is a nice feeling, it is the time when the world seems like a happy place and no matter wherever you are, you are always inspired to think and write.
People present themselves online in different ways. The poetic ones would write beautifully, those who are creative would express more graphically, the ones loving photography would tell about themselves through pictures…so on and so forth. In a way, it is easier to communicate with people because of the absence of shyness. If there was a guy I never knew of at all introduced to me and he only talks (a bit) if I do or vice versa, it won’t go any further than us being just a waste of time and money on that coffee.
I appreciate words, which is why You’ve Got Mail is one of my favorite movies (aside from its cast, Meg Ryan). Given the opportunity to interact with a person online offers us some knowledge of what kind of personality this person has and it allows us to be prepared when we meet up. Sort of like a medium of making things easier or more comfortable in first dates. Some people might take advantage on this and appearing as somebody who they are not simply because the people they’re meeting up with likes a certain kind of people.
There are always problems as well. First situation: two people living not in the same region/country/land. Issue: Distance. From here, many other little issues would come to follow: costs of travel, phone bills, etc. And to many people, it is the fear of getting disappointed when meeting up for the first time, fear that the person might not be as what they expected or saw in pictures. Well, if you have known that person for quite some time and the way her/his brain combines romance with words just sweeps you off the ground, would it matter if he turned out to be just a normal chicken rather than a rooster?
Not to me, because it is the mind and the manners that matters.
However, this would only look beautiful and only will the beauty be felt when it applies to a certain group of age, preferably for the adults. I somehow fail to see romance if this occurs to teenagers, because teenagers + internet = self-absorbance and the probability for a long-term relationship to happen is barely one in a million. Net-love is romantic, but I do not see it in such just because Nora Ephron managed to make Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan look so cute together through their laptops, but simply because of the excitement of opening your inbox or logging onto the internet to know more about that one particular person. Every time.
Oh yeah, I think I forgot to mention that I first met my husband online, 5 years ago. That gives me a wittier reason to write this, kan? ;)
Joe Fox: You're crazy about him...
Kathleen Kelly: Yes. I am.
Joe Fox: Then why don't you run off with him? What are you waiting for?
Kathleen Kelly: I don't actually know him.
Joe Fox: Really?
Kathleen Kelly: We only know each other - oh, God, you're not going to believe this...
Joe Fox: Let me guess. From the Internet.
Kathleen Kelly: Yes.
Joe Fox: You have mail.
Kathleen Kelly: Yes.
Joe Fox: Very powerful words.
Kathleen Kelly: Yes.
(Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan, You’ve Got Mail-1998)
Both of us were waiting hungrily for our orders to arrive when my other half asked me, “Is it okay for a girl to fall for a guy over the internet?” My automatic reply was, “I thought girls are more vulnerable to get involved in such situations?” The startled look on his face hinted that I was somewhat inaccurate; perhaps it is because he is surrounded by friends who are not as internetly active as he is.
I think the question should not be gender-biased, but more on its general outlook – is it okay to even fall in love over the net?
If I were to ask this to my dad, the muqaddimah to his answers would always be “Yes, and No.” while he moves his right palm to the right side when saying Yes and to the opposite when saying No. He always sees things working in a two-way system, which is one thing I personally admire. When there’s good, there’s always the bad and it all depends on us how we maneuver the wheel. I guess this question goes through everybody’s minds when they come across a person (via pictures, blogs, websites, whatever) who suddenly gives them butterflies in their stomachs. I used to get that too.
Human can never run from attractions, be it of their own or other’s. We see people everyday and with such weak hearts we get affected so easily by beautiful eyes or red lips, soft hair or shy smile, and in some (or most) cases: big boobs or butts :P But is it ever just the physical attributes of a person that could make you happy? Is it ever just his dark mysterious eyes or his soft hands that would promise you a comfortable marriage life, free from interference from family and work? Or could her Chinese nose and black Spanish hair that melt you every time you see her spare you trust and loyalty?
For many lucky people, they could. However, there is nothing un-okay with meeting the one from the internet. Someone’s uncle met his wife online, someone else’s sister is happily married for almost a year now with her husband whom she met on MSN or something, and some other person is madly in love with her beau who likes her through Friendster months ago.
Yeah. Friendster, Myspace, MSN Flirt, Yahoo Personals. Don’t call them the desperados; they’re just looking around, like everybody else. It is the same like you going to the club trying to pick-up a chick, or attending a wedding with hope that your mother would introduce you to the bride’s sister or best maid, or joining a yoga class to see who has the best view from behind, or going through the personal pages in URTV or Mangga (I know somebody still does this nganganga!). The only thing that differ this matter is the medium, which is the Internet. Only that we are more exposed to frauds or sly dishonesties through pictures that may have been manipulated or untrue description of individuals. It happens, because the net is where it is the hardest to really know if a person is genuine and which offers people the opportunity to show a side of them that they could not in real life.
The safe part of it (which I like) is that emails and personal messages allow us to get to know a person intellectually first. We can judge a person from the way he starts his email (whether it’s a polite gentleman introduction with a Hello, How are you or any of such, or the rempit style that, with no effort to type out a mere five letter word of Hello, straight away goes Leh knalan?). Emails, messages and any sort of writing have their own body languages too, and they do have the power of revealing the kind of person we are.
Unless, if there is any one out there who would make extra effort to pretend to be dumb. Tactically.
It is a form of subtle romance, sparked by simple words depicting the desire of getting to know each other for either a long-term or just a plain platonic relationship, because that is the only way for you to share your emotions – through words. And it matters very much of how you construct them sentences. Wherever it leads you to, there is always something to learn. Back in my study time, my communication lecturer used to tell my class that when someone is in love, he can write just about anything on paper even if he’s not a poet. It is a nice feeling, it is the time when the world seems like a happy place and no matter wherever you are, you are always inspired to think and write.
People present themselves online in different ways. The poetic ones would write beautifully, those who are creative would express more graphically, the ones loving photography would tell about themselves through pictures…so on and so forth. In a way, it is easier to communicate with people because of the absence of shyness. If there was a guy I never knew of at all introduced to me and he only talks (a bit) if I do or vice versa, it won’t go any further than us being just a waste of time and money on that coffee.
I appreciate words, which is why You’ve Got Mail is one of my favorite movies (aside from its cast, Meg Ryan). Given the opportunity to interact with a person online offers us some knowledge of what kind of personality this person has and it allows us to be prepared when we meet up. Sort of like a medium of making things easier or more comfortable in first dates. Some people might take advantage on this and appearing as somebody who they are not simply because the people they’re meeting up with likes a certain kind of people.
There are always problems as well. First situation: two people living not in the same region/country/land. Issue: Distance. From here, many other little issues would come to follow: costs of travel, phone bills, etc. And to many people, it is the fear of getting disappointed when meeting up for the first time, fear that the person might not be as what they expected or saw in pictures. Well, if you have known that person for quite some time and the way her/his brain combines romance with words just sweeps you off the ground, would it matter if he turned out to be just a normal chicken rather than a rooster?
Not to me, because it is the mind and the manners that matters.
However, this would only look beautiful and only will the beauty be felt when it applies to a certain group of age, preferably for the adults. I somehow fail to see romance if this occurs to teenagers, because teenagers + internet = self-absorbance and the probability for a long-term relationship to happen is barely one in a million. Net-love is romantic, but I do not see it in such just because Nora Ephron managed to make Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan look so cute together through their laptops, but simply because of the excitement of opening your inbox or logging onto the internet to know more about that one particular person. Every time.
Oh yeah, I think I forgot to mention that I first met my husband online, 5 years ago. That gives me a wittier reason to write this, kan? ;)
Thursday, March 31, 2005
The Simplest Things
I used to think I knew what I wanted.
I suppose I still kind of do, but is it everything I need?
I want a nice, huge house. You know, like those that you see in the Anjung Seri and Impiana magazines. And off course, most of the rooms' settings are more or less de same like Ikea's.
I want to have my own jet so I can fly to Paris should I fancy.
I want a jacuzzi in my backyard. So I can bath like a princess, with candles and nice smelling potpourri surrounding my pool.
I want my own MPV or SUV. The most cikai one for me is Honda Stream where I can use to send my kids to school or to bring my girlfriends for window shopping.
I want a humongous library, crammed chock-full with books. Not in my home, off course. I want to own a bookstore. U know like the one in "You've Got Mail". No, not the small one owns by Meg Ryan. The big one, where Tom Hanks owns it- Fox Bookstore. Yeah, I want that. I really really want a library of my own exactly just like that.
But do I really need any of it?
But it'd be silly comparing deep-seated desires to material ones.
Nevertheless, the premise remains: do I really need everything I want?
And do I know what it is I really need?
Most times I think I don't. I'm just beginning to realise how much I don't.
And only when it hits you like a face-first belly-flop off a 5-foot springboard into the pool do you realise how much you've been needing it. And by the time you realise it, just pray and be grateful it is not too late.
You take so many things for granted when you think what you want is what you need. Kan? Kan?
:) Im just feeling blessed rite now.
I suppose I still kind of do, but is it everything I need?
I want a nice, huge house. You know, like those that you see in the Anjung Seri and Impiana magazines. And off course, most of the rooms' settings are more or less de same like Ikea's.
I want to have my own jet so I can fly to Paris should I fancy.
I want a jacuzzi in my backyard. So I can bath like a princess, with candles and nice smelling potpourri surrounding my pool.
I want my own MPV or SUV. The most cikai one for me is Honda Stream where I can use to send my kids to school or to bring my girlfriends for window shopping.
I want a humongous library, crammed chock-full with books. Not in my home, off course. I want to own a bookstore. U know like the one in "You've Got Mail". No, not the small one owns by Meg Ryan. The big one, where Tom Hanks owns it- Fox Bookstore. Yeah, I want that. I really really want a library of my own exactly just like that.
But do I really need any of it?
But it'd be silly comparing deep-seated desires to material ones.
Nevertheless, the premise remains: do I really need everything I want?
And do I know what it is I really need?
Most times I think I don't. I'm just beginning to realise how much I don't.
And only when it hits you like a face-first belly-flop off a 5-foot springboard into the pool do you realise how much you've been needing it. And by the time you realise it, just pray and be grateful it is not too late.
You take so many things for granted when you think what you want is what you need. Kan? Kan?
:) Im just feeling blessed rite now.
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
Wonder Woman
I have had several discussions with different people on the topic of the female psyche.
It has always been a problem for men to figure out what a woman is really like. Is she really nice and kind or is that facade hiding the modern answer to the Wicked Witch of the West? Some men have resorted to using 'signs'. One man I know actually went on the basis of cats. He thought that if a cat approaches a woman and takes to her, that means she's a good sort. Animals know, he says.
I would rather think that she had something fishy up her sleeve. Literally.
The best way to figure out a woman's character is through her female friends. What manages to fool a man cannot fool another woman. Discounting for jealousy and petty cattiness, a woman will always see what another woman is about. Call it instinct, ESP or the sixth sense, a woman will always be able to see through the facade and understand the motivations of another woman's actions.
The men I've known have always been taken in by a pretty face and what they perceive to be a good person. And after the brand is produced and the ownership is clearly defined, they are either in too deep to see the woods for the trees, or are stunned by the revelations of her true nature.
I've realised after encounters with certain members of my own sex, that the quickest way to decide, on first contact, whether a person is trustworthy, is to see if she has close friends of her own gender. A woman cannot hide her true self from another woman for long before tripping up. And most women will shy away from unsavoury characters and keep them at arm's length. I've noticed that women who are back stabbers, liars, or have huge character flaws don't usually have close female friends - as they've probably backstabbed or lied to these friends. And as a result, have lost them.
A while ago, it dawned on me that there is no one who is truly good or evil. I was used to seeing things in absolute that I had not noticed that absolutes don't exist in the real world. The nicest, best person on the face of this planet will have a weakness, may it be a penchant for shopping or the occasional foot-in-mouth-titis. And the nastiest, most untrustworthy person you will ever meet will have at least a grain of goodness in them - even if it is just care for their parents, the love of a woman, appreciation of beauty, or the instinct to brake for animals crossing the road. But some flaws are easier forgiven, tolerated, and even appreciated.
I wouldn't say that my girlfriends were perfect human beings. Each has their Achilles heel. But for me, the goodness of their character and their constant striving to better themselves makes them notable people. They might have their own weaknesses but, in most cases, those weaknesses make them more endearing. I have always told them that it has been my honour to be their friend. I have always meant it. If I die tomorrow, I died a friend to such wonderful people. And that in itself is something infinitely precious to me.
A former friend of mine was ostracized by the rest of the girls a while ago. She had this constant desire to cause trouble between friends. Her backstabbing and lying grew to immense proportions until she became what is know as a batu api. She would create friction between good friends so that she could step into the breach and become important. She wanted to make herself important to everyone.
After the dust had settled, some friends asked me why I didn't warn them about this girl. I told them that at first, I didn't know. And later when I did know, I realised that had I said anything to them, I would be no better than her - creating friction among friends. But I knew that, sooner or later, her spots would be revealed and they could see for themselves. But I asked them this -
"Didn't you think it was odd that this girl spent 11 years of her life in an all girls school and came out without a single friend? How can you spend 11 years with 300 or so girls of your age and not find even one person who you could be friends with? If you had a problem with one or two or even ten people, then it might be them. But if you had a problem with everyone, it's probably you who is the problem, not them."
So my advice to guys on the market is that, if you're starting a new relationship, get your female friends to meet the girl, hang out with her. They may not think she's fantastic, but if they don't have a problem with her, chances are you won't either. Not much anyway *grin*. Usually men fail to see the wiles of a woman. But a woman cannot fool another woman for long.
Oh, and the cat man? He married that woman and was later cuckolded. She, like many others, was just after his money.
It has always been a problem for men to figure out what a woman is really like. Is she really nice and kind or is that facade hiding the modern answer to the Wicked Witch of the West? Some men have resorted to using 'signs'. One man I know actually went on the basis of cats. He thought that if a cat approaches a woman and takes to her, that means she's a good sort. Animals know, he says.
I would rather think that she had something fishy up her sleeve. Literally.
The best way to figure out a woman's character is through her female friends. What manages to fool a man cannot fool another woman. Discounting for jealousy and petty cattiness, a woman will always see what another woman is about. Call it instinct, ESP or the sixth sense, a woman will always be able to see through the facade and understand the motivations of another woman's actions.
The men I've known have always been taken in by a pretty face and what they perceive to be a good person. And after the brand is produced and the ownership is clearly defined, they are either in too deep to see the woods for the trees, or are stunned by the revelations of her true nature.
I've realised after encounters with certain members of my own sex, that the quickest way to decide, on first contact, whether a person is trustworthy, is to see if she has close friends of her own gender. A woman cannot hide her true self from another woman for long before tripping up. And most women will shy away from unsavoury characters and keep them at arm's length. I've noticed that women who are back stabbers, liars, or have huge character flaws don't usually have close female friends - as they've probably backstabbed or lied to these friends. And as a result, have lost them.
A while ago, it dawned on me that there is no one who is truly good or evil. I was used to seeing things in absolute that I had not noticed that absolutes don't exist in the real world. The nicest, best person on the face of this planet will have a weakness, may it be a penchant for shopping or the occasional foot-in-mouth-titis. And the nastiest, most untrustworthy person you will ever meet will have at least a grain of goodness in them - even if it is just care for their parents, the love of a woman, appreciation of beauty, or the instinct to brake for animals crossing the road. But some flaws are easier forgiven, tolerated, and even appreciated.
I wouldn't say that my girlfriends were perfect human beings. Each has their Achilles heel. But for me, the goodness of their character and their constant striving to better themselves makes them notable people. They might have their own weaknesses but, in most cases, those weaknesses make them more endearing. I have always told them that it has been my honour to be their friend. I have always meant it. If I die tomorrow, I died a friend to such wonderful people. And that in itself is something infinitely precious to me.
A former friend of mine was ostracized by the rest of the girls a while ago. She had this constant desire to cause trouble between friends. Her backstabbing and lying grew to immense proportions until she became what is know as a batu api. She would create friction between good friends so that she could step into the breach and become important. She wanted to make herself important to everyone.
After the dust had settled, some friends asked me why I didn't warn them about this girl. I told them that at first, I didn't know. And later when I did know, I realised that had I said anything to them, I would be no better than her - creating friction among friends. But I knew that, sooner or later, her spots would be revealed and they could see for themselves. But I asked them this -
"Didn't you think it was odd that this girl spent 11 years of her life in an all girls school and came out without a single friend? How can you spend 11 years with 300 or so girls of your age and not find even one person who you could be friends with? If you had a problem with one or two or even ten people, then it might be them. But if you had a problem with everyone, it's probably you who is the problem, not them."
So my advice to guys on the market is that, if you're starting a new relationship, get your female friends to meet the girl, hang out with her. They may not think she's fantastic, but if they don't have a problem with her, chances are you won't either. Not much anyway *grin*. Usually men fail to see the wiles of a woman. But a woman cannot fool another woman for long.
Oh, and the cat man? He married that woman and was later cuckolded. She, like many others, was just after his money.
Monday, March 21, 2005
Been here before...
Another Monday or another week is well and truly started. I'm back in my spot on the cubicle in the 37th floor in my office, bopping along to music that only I can hear, trying to stay awake as I meet another work deadline. Hurrah *not!*
My mummy arrived in KL yesterday after 5 days of being outstation. Ergh.. scratch that. I always feel geli whenever I call her that. Lets start again..
Im gonna see Mak when I go back to her house again this week. Since I’ve been married and I don’t live there anymore; the situation will be slightly different now, because I will be more like a guest visiting her at home.
But since my dad has requested me to come over 2 days earlier before Mak’s arrival, to clean the house since my father will not be there on the day of her arrival, I knew that I just have to come home because it is always hard for me to say NO to any of his request.
Anyway, I've been counting the days to her arrival with much trepidation. She isn't the easiest customer. Actually, she's the customer who will drive you up the wall because she sends her steak back three times, the first because its overdone (I said Medium-well, not well done!), the second because the sauce wasn't separated as she instructed (I told you to serve the sauce separately!) and the third time because it was the wrong sauce (Black pepper! There are no mushrooms in black pepper sauce!). But because of her demanding nature, she is very well respected in her field. Anything that has my Mak's signature is sure to pass the most stringent of quality controls. And because of that same demanding nature, we've always been accustomed to the best that she can afford. Never mind that we always breathe a great sigh of relief every time she says she won't be having dinner at home. Altogether now *haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah*
So you can imagine the high stress levels I have been experiencing when I was in school, what with juggling schoolwork and my Mak's arrival every time she came back from outstation. My father took to calling me every morning to remind me of what needed to be done before her arrival. Yes, Ayah, the carpet has been combed out and the bathroom is spotless. Yes, Ayah, I have everything ready. No, Ayah, I don't mind to cook for dinner. Yes, Ayah, I'll make sure I get her Nescafe 3 in 1 ready. *sigh*
But now that she's back, I suddenly feel a piercing emotion I've never felt before for my Mak. You see, I am now 5-6 months preggie. Im a few more miles to start my motherhood journey. Im gonna be somebody Mak too. And when you are at my stage, you slowly start to see things differently. And that what is happening to me.
She and I never had the same camaraderie that she and my big brother enjoy. With us, there is always this quiet uncomfortable silence, of two people who know that there should be more said but nothing comes to mind. And she has always been that distant figure in my life, the one my father reports to when something happens and where we turn to for financial backing. I know that I'm a complete leech in this case, but I have to be honest and say it like it is. Yes I am a leech on my mother's existence. But somehow, I've never felt as bad as I do now, looking at her.
For the first time, I see my Mak as an old woman. So scared of estranging me. So concerned for my well-being but unable to show me that she cares because showing emotions doesn't come easily to her. She shows it to me in the things she can afford to buy for me and the easy life she gives me.
But I, being the fool, have always failed to see that.But as I watch her treading carefully around me, without my father or my brother to act as a buffer between us, I realize that she is haunted by the same trepidation as I feel. Even more, perhaps, since she remembers me longer than I remember myself. And I am sad - that I am so formal with the woman I call Mak. That I don't know how to give her a hug. Or tell her things that a mother should know about his daughter, her only daughter for 25 years. The laughter always feels strained, and the advice is always careful, careful. She makes sure she puts a disclaimer at the end of every sentence, because I am an adult, and she sees that. She affords me more respect than my father does, and yet she is the stranger. She is the one I don't know.
*pause*
You know, I didn't plan on writing about this. I was going to write a cute, happy entry about songs and weird people at work. Hence the now very-wrong title. But as I began typing, the whole thing just started pouring out. And now I am sitting here, stunned, and wondering where it all came from.
But I won't erase this. For wiping it clean will be like refusing to acknowledge the truth within me. And I will not lie to myself.
My mummy arrived in KL yesterday after 5 days of being outstation. Ergh.. scratch that. I always feel geli whenever I call her that. Lets start again..
Im gonna see Mak when I go back to her house again this week. Since I’ve been married and I don’t live there anymore; the situation will be slightly different now, because I will be more like a guest visiting her at home.
But since my dad has requested me to come over 2 days earlier before Mak’s arrival, to clean the house since my father will not be there on the day of her arrival, I knew that I just have to come home because it is always hard for me to say NO to any of his request.
Anyway, I've been counting the days to her arrival with much trepidation. She isn't the easiest customer. Actually, she's the customer who will drive you up the wall because she sends her steak back three times, the first because its overdone (I said Medium-well, not well done!), the second because the sauce wasn't separated as she instructed (I told you to serve the sauce separately!) and the third time because it was the wrong sauce (Black pepper! There are no mushrooms in black pepper sauce!). But because of her demanding nature, she is very well respected in her field. Anything that has my Mak's signature is sure to pass the most stringent of quality controls. And because of that same demanding nature, we've always been accustomed to the best that she can afford. Never mind that we always breathe a great sigh of relief every time she says she won't be having dinner at home. Altogether now *haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah*
So you can imagine the high stress levels I have been experiencing when I was in school, what with juggling schoolwork and my Mak's arrival every time she came back from outstation. My father took to calling me every morning to remind me of what needed to be done before her arrival. Yes, Ayah, the carpet has been combed out and the bathroom is spotless. Yes, Ayah, I have everything ready. No, Ayah, I don't mind to cook for dinner. Yes, Ayah, I'll make sure I get her Nescafe 3 in 1 ready. *sigh*
But now that she's back, I suddenly feel a piercing emotion I've never felt before for my Mak. You see, I am now 5-6 months preggie. Im a few more miles to start my motherhood journey. Im gonna be somebody Mak too. And when you are at my stage, you slowly start to see things differently. And that what is happening to me.
She and I never had the same camaraderie that she and my big brother enjoy. With us, there is always this quiet uncomfortable silence, of two people who know that there should be more said but nothing comes to mind. And she has always been that distant figure in my life, the one my father reports to when something happens and where we turn to for financial backing. I know that I'm a complete leech in this case, but I have to be honest and say it like it is. Yes I am a leech on my mother's existence. But somehow, I've never felt as bad as I do now, looking at her.
For the first time, I see my Mak as an old woman. So scared of estranging me. So concerned for my well-being but unable to show me that she cares because showing emotions doesn't come easily to her. She shows it to me in the things she can afford to buy for me and the easy life she gives me.
But I, being the fool, have always failed to see that.But as I watch her treading carefully around me, without my father or my brother to act as a buffer between us, I realize that she is haunted by the same trepidation as I feel. Even more, perhaps, since she remembers me longer than I remember myself. And I am sad - that I am so formal with the woman I call Mak. That I don't know how to give her a hug. Or tell her things that a mother should know about his daughter, her only daughter for 25 years. The laughter always feels strained, and the advice is always careful, careful. She makes sure she puts a disclaimer at the end of every sentence, because I am an adult, and she sees that. She affords me more respect than my father does, and yet she is the stranger. She is the one I don't know.
*pause*
You know, I didn't plan on writing about this. I was going to write a cute, happy entry about songs and weird people at work. Hence the now very-wrong title. But as I began typing, the whole thing just started pouring out. And now I am sitting here, stunned, and wondering where it all came from.
But I won't erase this. For wiping it clean will be like refusing to acknowledge the truth within me. And I will not lie to myself.
Monday, March 14, 2005
Why, oh Why???
Why is it that when you're feeling especially, exceptionally bloated, you cannot resist scarfing down chocolates by the tonnes? (Im typing this with one hand, and the other hand is holding a snicker bar)
And why is it that you keep wanting to eat eat eat eventhough you feel your chin growing a twin (ker triplets nih)?(All you lucky people who don't have this urge, I hate you! Go away!! >oP)
Oh God. Ni baru 2nd trimester. I'm going to feel like the Hindenburg when I'm towards the last trimester of my preggers.Oh God.I am sooooooo FAAAAAAT!!!!.... I eat like a Godzilla!
But I'll bet a pink Baby-Gshock would make me feel better. Although the blue one kinda kicks serious cool ass too. ;o)
P/S: I heard Shaz from MixFm said "Married, Fat and Happy peeps couldnt care less about their body sizes." Which I think its ultimately TRUE. :)
Snickers anyone?
A Book, Someone?
Matun came back from her 15 days outstation in Bangkok (fully paid trip by WD, plis gimme a single reason why i shouldnt envy her!), and she gave us a very beautifully crafted bookmark as a souvenir. Each and everyone of us received a different crafted designs, and off course we were brawling like a 7 year old kids on who should get the most beautiful one. Mcm bdk2 fighting over a bookmark, hehehe.
All of us were actually head over heels on her nice bangkok chinos dat she was wearing that nite. Like Micks put it "Y didnt u get us one of those instead of a bookmark?". Hehehe. Anyway, I plan to get one 4 myself one day if ever I manage to get to Bangkok. Kene kumpul pitih dulu le nampaknye. But a trip to Bangkok in 2005 looks far away than possible. I guess I just have to be patient and sort out my financial priorities since org baru is coming in July.
This year is our most "flat broke" year in history. Besides spending lavishly on the wedding last year, we were left destitute once de wedding is over. We are now officially paying 1 service apartment in damansara perdana and a house in Bukit Beruntung. Sometimes we do feel a lil bit poignant coz we cannot really enjoy our monthly income like we used to as we carry more monetary loads than any of our frens out there. But then again, when I sit with my bumblebee, we always talk this thing out, and convince each other that we never ever once regret our decision to invest on properties. I am happy that at least I got a partner to share my burden with. We always feel that we have to do this for our future.
Currently, we are refinancing the house in bukit beruntung in order for us to settle some debts like the car and the wicked credit cards. But, going thru the process with the banks, and the lawyers were indeed tedious and gruelling than i ever thot it could be. And worse still, we ended up paying almost 10K for all the fees! (to the previous financial institution, lawyers fees, developer's fees, and miscellaneous fees.)
Demn! I almost shed a tear when I saw all the statements.
I'll tell more of this later. Its gonna make this entry too long.
Back to the bookmark chronicle, I simply love the wooden stir when I lay my hand on it . Its so subtle and elusive. I even kept it nicely in my handbag. But I havent read for ages! Well, magazines dun count lah kan. I am not an avid reader like I used to be anymore. Like my colleague said the other day " U better start reading, if not nanti ur baby malas membaca".
But what to read?
I need something to read. Usually, I have the memory of a sieve. For obvious reasons, this is generally bad. When it comes to my books though, it's a bit of a blessing as that means that I can read my books over and over again, and every time I read it, it's as if I'm reading the story brand new. However, numerous repititions of the same old stories tend to drill them into me head.
This, unfortunately, has happened with just about every book I own. Or any book I care to read right now, that is. I opened my cupboard and couldn't find a single thing to read. It's like opening a closet overflowing with clothes and having to yell in total desperation, "I have nothing to wear!!!" The girls should understand what I mean.
Nak pergi Kinokuniya or MPH, tak ada duit. Macam mana niiiiii???!!!!
I hope my bumblebee can buy me a new book to read. I hope u r reading this sayang :)
Thursday, February 24, 2005
Paree, you darling whore, you.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I have a life-altering announcement to make.
I succumbed to the siren's call that is the Miramax marketing machine.
I watched Le Fabeleux Destin d'Amelie Poulain yesterday.
AGAIN.
The 10th times.
Yes. It's a beauty of a movie.
Audrey Tatou is the epitome of gamine charm.
I crave Paris.
-------------------------
I want to browse amongst the book stalls along the Seine and caress the weathered spines of books whose titles still remain a delightful mystery.
I want to stand in front of Manet's Le Dejeuner Sur l'Herbe in Musee d'Orsay and return the come-hither stare of the lone naked woman.
I want to catch a glimpse of pigeons making love on the head of Rodin's Thinker from a bus.
I want to look down at the Ecole Millitaire from the Eiffel Tower and dare my fwen to jump into the pond.
I want to tip-toe up the rickety stairs of the Shakespeare Book Company in the Latin Quarter and discover the tiny room with the old typewriter and the moth-eaten bed.
I want to fight my way through the gaggle of Japanese tourists au cameras thronging the Mona Lisa and wonder what the fuss was all about.
I want a cup of caffe au lait and crack the top of a perfect creme brulee without having to say that the caffe must be French.
I want to walk along the Champs Elysee and look at the chic Parisiennes with their chic dogs while thinking "I am walking along the Champs Elysee!".
I want to pay too much for postcards in a Tabac.
I want Gare du Nord and Austerlitz.
I want to buy that bottle of au minerale from the nice Cambodian boy.
Ah, Amelie, petit jolie jeune fille, you made me forget what a bitch Paris can be.
Paris, that Grand Dame of courtesans whose beauty mark is Montmartre.
She has known enough to turn her charms on for the cameras.
And turn it off for poor dreamers like me.
I really dream of going to France *Sob sob sob*
Tu pense que je peut?
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
"Concentrate on what cannot lie. The evidence..." -- Gil Grissom
Not only is CSI one of my favorite shows, but it is one of the highest rated dramas of the year.
CrimeSceneInvestigation (SeeAssEye)
Not since the days of the X-Files have Ive been glued to the television to watch forensic experts peer through microscopes and dust bathtubs for fingerprints. CSI is the breakout hit of 2002/2003 TV season. To viewers like me, that comes as no surprise. Intriguing plots combined with the offbeat atmosphere of Las Vegas, as well as an impressive cast, are drawing in an average of zillion viewers all over de world each week.
The series chronicles the lives of a passionate team of crime scene investigators in Las Vegas: Gil Grissom (William Petersen), the senior forensics officer who lives and breathes his job; Catherine Willows (Marg Helgenberger), an ex-stripper and single mother juggling the job she loves and her daughter; Warrick Brown (Gary Dourdan), a junior investigator who learns some of his lessons the hard ways; Nick Stokes (George Eads), whose charming manner goes a long way in aiding investigations, and Sara Sidel (Jorja Fox), the newest member of the team. Captain Jim Grass (Paul Guilfoyle) is a no-nonsense investigator who assists from his position in Homicide.
The show can sometimes be vivid in its portrayal of crime scenes; the camera zooms in on bullet wound on a cadaver on the autopsy table, or focuses on a severed leg pulled out a lake. However, death isn't all the criminalists handle: they tackle hookers who are mysteriously passing out, car accidents with missing drivers, kidnappings and thefts. Any crime where the proper gathering and dissection of evidence leads the police to a solution and an arrest.
A few bizarre tidbits tossed out from my observation on CSI:
· Gil Grissom, a 40-something supervisor described as "a cross between Mr. Rogers and Bill Gates, but has the intelligence of Albert Einstein." He supervised a team of "brilliant kids, ages 26 to 32, who carry badges, guns and get paid to solve puzzles for 10 hours."
· A criminalist is someone who uses forensic science to solve a crime. They're not criminologists, who study the nature of crime and criminals. They're usually civilians with a science background in biology, chemistry or physics. So our gangs, despite their quirks, are all highly educated in one aspect or another.
· A coroner is a public official, appointed or elected, in a selected geographic jurisdiction, whose official duty is to make inquiry into deaths under certain circumstances. A coroner does not have to be a physician.
· A medical examiner is a physician. They investigate (autopsy, etc.) when a person dies a sudden, unexpected or violent death.
· A pathologist is a physician trained in the medical specialty of pathology. Pathology deals with the diagnosis of disease and causes of death by means of laboratory examination of body fluids, cell samples, and tissues.
· A forensic pathologist is a sub specialist in pathology who examines persons who die a sudden, unexpected or violent death.
They'll be airing the new season of CSI in Astro tonite, I hope those who love the show like I do will not miss the first case for the brand new season J Happy watching folks!
P/S: Yes, yes, I do think Grissom is mature and sexy. The same way I look at Anthony Hopkins too. Grissom is indeed the chief character who brings out the zest for CSI.
Monday note-V-Day
My other half and me, we never celebrate Valentine's Day, as he is so against it, but I always believe that you should celebrate de one u love not only on de Feb 14th, or on her/his birthday,
or even during ur anniversary alone. Love should be celebrated every day with ur partner, ur family and frens. Life is too short for us, thus celebrating ur loved ones only on those special occasions, like once or twice a year alone, is dreadfully insufficient.
Why do I say so? I went to a wedding last night in Taman Tun. Sharing the same table with us are a bunch of Am's frens. Most of them are married, some are singles. I was de only lass there. Everybody was so busy throwing jokes and updating on their lives, as they haven't seen each other for ages. But amidst of all the jokes and laughter, I did notice there is this one particular guy who is so reserved, just staring at everybody. He tried to smile at me. A weak smile I suppose. Something is not right about him. But I just don't know why.
Just to be polite, I slowly smiled back at him. Now I remembered this guy. I recognized his face because he used to study in MMU too. But he was alone. I thought he was married too. Maybe his wife couldn't make it to the wedding.
So, I just ignored him during the wedding and trying my best to concentrate on the bride and groom. But the tasty prawns and de fatty chicken make it difficult for me to put my finest focus on the happiest couple.
After the wedding, on our way back home, I ask Am about dat guy.
Looking at me, he said "His wife is sick, very sick"
"Sakit apa?" I asked. The face of his wife started to emerge on my mind. Yes, they are quite close in MMU, and they were even together long before Am and I met.
Am quietly said to me, "Wife die kene kanser. That's why he came alone. He even postponed his part time courses becoz he wants to take care of his wife."
I was shocked. I couldn't say a word to it.
They've been married for less than 2 years. His wife is just a year older than me. They are just about to start their lives like we did. I cannot imagine how this guy feels.
I felt sorry for him. I felt like I just want to call him and said how sorry I was to hear about his wife. But I don't know him that well, so it will be rather awkward to give him a call out of nowhere and say that.
Both of us sit silently in the car. Normally we will sing joyfully to the songs from the radio, but last night we were like ghosts.
When we are about to reach home in Klang, Am said to me,
"I want to grow old with you. Kalau kita dah tua nanti, kalau awak pergi dulu, mesti saya sedih tinggal sorang2. I will remember your cooking, the smell of your smelly armpit, your perfume..semualah. Mesti sedih masa tu"
I turned around and looked at him and I cried.
"Awakkkk sedihnyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. That's de saddest thing u ever said to me for all this while Ive known u". His words really cuffed me.
Yes, Im still thinking all of the above until today while I'm in the office.
I called him 5 times today just to say Sorry if I did anything wrong to him all this while. I never called him more than 3 times on a normal working day. Sometimes I didn't call him at all. But today I did.
For my dear frens who r celebrating Valentine's, happy celebrating it.
And for those of u who r not celebrating it like me, no worries LOVE still or will come softly.
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
THEY CALLED IT TSU-NA-MIE
MasyAllah.
I remember Geography lessons in school, whenever we were taught about the Ring of Fire, the class would be ended with a claim, slightly tinged with hubris- "Unlike its neighbours, Malaysia is fortunate to be excluded from the Rim of Fire". Not for us the sudden devastation of volcano eruptions, earthquakes, tidal waves, aftershocks.
Until last Sunday.
Atheists would say that Sunday's tragedy had nothing to do with God. Scientists would tell us that two massive undersea tectonic plates, out of random coincidence, simply crashed. I'm neither an atheist nor a scientist, I'm afraid. I believe that it is impossible for the human mind to fully comprehend the nature and rationale behind the power of God. I don't know why tragedies happen, but I do know this- to me they act as a reminder to those who are left behind, shaking their heads, hands clasped to mouths.
They remind us that life, despite political upheavals, civilization, evolution, what we call progress- is too short. They remind us that everything, even countries, can be swept away in a matter of moments. They remind us that God is always there.
Always.
MasyAllah.
I remember Geography lessons in school, whenever we were taught about the Ring of Fire, the class would be ended with a claim, slightly tinged with hubris- "Unlike its neighbours, Malaysia is fortunate to be excluded from the Rim of Fire". Not for us the sudden devastation of volcano eruptions, earthquakes, tidal waves, aftershocks.
Until last Sunday.
Atheists would say that Sunday's tragedy had nothing to do with God. Scientists would tell us that two massive undersea tectonic plates, out of random coincidence, simply crashed. I'm neither an atheist nor a scientist, I'm afraid. I believe that it is impossible for the human mind to fully comprehend the nature and rationale behind the power of God. I don't know why tragedies happen, but I do know this- to me they act as a reminder to those who are left behind, shaking their heads, hands clasped to mouths.
They remind us that life, despite political upheavals, civilization, evolution, what we call progress- is too short. They remind us that everything, even countries, can be swept away in a matter of moments. They remind us that God is always there.
Always.
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
"I'm Old Today, it's my Birthday"
Top 5 things I have been/will be doing on my 25th (Gregorian) Day of Birth:-
1. Thank God. Alhamdulillah.
Allah Selamatkan Kamu...Allah Selamatkan kamu, Allah selamatkan Wan Seri Rahayu, Allah selamatkan kamuuuuu
2. Plan Next Steps in World Domination™.
3. Repetitively chant, "I'm Older Today, Its My Birthday Honey" until spousal unit’s ears bleed. Dude, a berfdey chic has to have some recompense.
4. Pretend to be surprised when spousal unit bring you to dinner tonite.Tip: If you want to surprise your beloved by bringing them to exclusive dinner, try not to dress up smartly for work (if you normally wears just a collared t-shirt to work) or try 2 ask her to dress up beautifully today, and especially try not to ask her the day before what she feels like eating tomorrow -15th times.
Happy Birthday To Me :)
Top 5 things I have been/will be doing on my 25th (Gregorian) Day of Birth:-
1. Thank God. Alhamdulillah.
Allah Selamatkan Kamu...Allah Selamatkan kamu, Allah selamatkan Wan Seri Rahayu, Allah selamatkan kamuuuuu
2. Plan Next Steps in World Domination™.
3. Repetitively chant, "I'm Older Today, Its My Birthday Honey" until spousal unit’s ears bleed. Dude, a berfdey chic has to have some recompense.
4. Pretend to be surprised when spousal unit bring you to dinner tonite.Tip: If you want to surprise your beloved by bringing them to exclusive dinner, try not to dress up smartly for work (if you normally wears just a collared t-shirt to work) or try 2 ask her to dress up beautifully today, and especially try not to ask her the day before what she feels like eating tomorrow -15th times.
Happy Birthday To Me :)
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
To Whom It May Concern
Sorry, too
Nauseated
Lazy
Tired
Bloated
Crampy
Uninspired
Apathetic
Zero craving for food
Did I mention tired?
to write.
'Normal' writing will resume after the first trimester end.
P/s:- Fetus still in womb. The size of a peanut. The tiny heart is continuously pounding.
Blink, blink, blink, blink...
Sorry, too
Nauseated
Lazy
Tired
Bloated
Crampy
Uninspired
Apathetic
Zero craving for food
Did I mention tired?
to write.
'Normal' writing will resume after the first trimester end.
P/s:- Fetus still in womb. The size of a peanut. The tiny heart is continuously pounding.
Blink, blink, blink, blink...
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
The Perfect Dive
Yesterday, on a day after The Wedding of The Totz, I was on leave.
I guess after Aildilfitri, its quite typical for everyone to have stomach discomfort due to assorted foods from the countless open house and weddings.
But that's the fun of post-raya. Despite knowing that you'll end up with stomach cramp, it is not easy to avoid the lure of lontong, mee johor, nasik dagang, nasik tomato, satay, etc., you named it, for each homies that you went to.
From 54kgs in Ramadhan, I am now officially back to my fatty figure- 60kgs.
Thanks to all the amazing and scrumptious foods.
So, as I was at home yesterday, I took the opportunity to cook some breakfast for Mr Bee.
So, I took out a brand new ayamas sausage packet and some nuggets from the freezer to fry them, and I did my own version of maggie goreng for him.
Later, after everything was finished and done as planned, Ive decided to stuffed back the sausage packet into the freezer.
The minute I opened the freezer, this gigantic frozen whole chicken (you can imagine the size of one whole frozen chicken) did some amazing dive and fell nicely on top of my toes.
Visualize the twinge.
The chicken felt exactly like a 10kg stone or I would happily describe it as a 10kg lesung batu on top of my foot.
I was numb for a second.
Mr Bee came over as soon he heard the pang. He picked up the chicken and stuffed it back in the freezer. He said " Are you OK?"
My eyes blinked. "Am I OK?" I gulped.
I didnt dare to look at my giant foot. I tried to sit in order to reduce the pain, but it didnt work. The pain started to increase and it was spreading from my foot up to my head. It was so sinusoidal.
Bip...bip...bip..ouch!
Bip...bip...bip..ouch!
The pain was excruciating!
Gosh...it made me completely disregard the fact that Im currently pregnant and I had a stomach discomfort that same morning.
I walked slowly to de bedroom and walked towards the bath room.
I saw a red pail full of water, and like Mr Bean, I quickly plunged my foot into it.
I thought the pain will subside.
Unfortunately it became worse.
I couldnt held it any much longer, so I jumped on my bed.
Tears flowing down my cheek.
At that moment, I felt that if I withheld the pain any longer, I will die, and my brain will burst into flames due to the agonizing pain.
So, I did it.
I screamed deafeningly . I screamed and cried all out for my blueish foot.
I screamed and screamed for it.
Its still purplish blue until today. What a manic monday yesterday was.
I cursed all the chicken!
:(
Yesterday, on a day after The Wedding of The Totz, I was on leave.
I guess after Aildilfitri, its quite typical for everyone to have stomach discomfort due to assorted foods from the countless open house and weddings.
But that's the fun of post-raya. Despite knowing that you'll end up with stomach cramp, it is not easy to avoid the lure of lontong, mee johor, nasik dagang, nasik tomato, satay, etc., you named it, for each homies that you went to.
From 54kgs in Ramadhan, I am now officially back to my fatty figure- 60kgs.
Thanks to all the amazing and scrumptious foods.
So, as I was at home yesterday, I took the opportunity to cook some breakfast for Mr Bee.
So, I took out a brand new ayamas sausage packet and some nuggets from the freezer to fry them, and I did my own version of maggie goreng for him.
Later, after everything was finished and done as planned, Ive decided to stuffed back the sausage packet into the freezer.
The minute I opened the freezer, this gigantic frozen whole chicken (you can imagine the size of one whole frozen chicken) did some amazing dive and fell nicely on top of my toes.
Visualize the twinge.
The chicken felt exactly like a 10kg stone or I would happily describe it as a 10kg lesung batu on top of my foot.
I was numb for a second.
Mr Bee came over as soon he heard the pang. He picked up the chicken and stuffed it back in the freezer. He said " Are you OK?"
My eyes blinked. "Am I OK?" I gulped.
I didnt dare to look at my giant foot. I tried to sit in order to reduce the pain, but it didnt work. The pain started to increase and it was spreading from my foot up to my head. It was so sinusoidal.
Bip...bip...bip..ouch!
Bip...bip...bip..ouch!
The pain was excruciating!
Gosh...it made me completely disregard the fact that Im currently pregnant and I had a stomach discomfort that same morning.
I walked slowly to de bedroom and walked towards the bath room.
I saw a red pail full of water, and like Mr Bean, I quickly plunged my foot into it.
I thought the pain will subside.
Unfortunately it became worse.
I couldnt held it any much longer, so I jumped on my bed.
Tears flowing down my cheek.
At that moment, I felt that if I withheld the pain any longer, I will die, and my brain will burst into flames due to the agonizing pain.
So, I did it.
I screamed deafeningly . I screamed and cried all out for my blueish foot.
I screamed and screamed for it.
Its still purplish blue until today. What a manic monday yesterday was.
I cursed all the chicken!
:(
Monday, November 29, 2004
Wedding of The Totz
Yes, it has finally happened.
The Totz is well and truly married.
It has been a very hectic weekend for Koyan, what with Yan and her mom making their way to Putrajaya and everywhere almost every day. Yan in her usual way has left everything and nothing for us to help.
But, I must say, today was worth every bit of it.
And more, had it been necessary.
She was resplendant in a pure white.
Despite the miniscule, no-one-can-see her a bit senget tudong from the pulling and adjusting of the anak tudong, she looked gorgeous, beautiful and sweet.
I resent the fact that all the GirlyGirls had pegged Matun out for a 'crier'. But I have to admit that everybody was a little misty eyed. Especially when I recalled some of the conversations Yan and I had on the phone during the week running up to the wedding.
Oh I don't think I can do a full review. Too emotional at the moment.
Just a note to say congratulations to my wonderful darling friend, Koyan and Mawie. May everything be blessed and may the days to come be filled with enough challenges to keep you both strong and enough joy to keep you both happy.
Another of the Girlygirls wedding has passed. More to come...
Weddings get to me. They didn't use to, but in the past few years, they have.
I suppose it all started with my fren- Sofi's wedding slightly over 2 years ago. She is one of my theraphy frens, besides Amla, Yan, Matun, Mikun, Shara and Nita. We hung out together most of de times, we knew each other's parents, we did lunches and dinners, we bitch about ourselves, and we shared happy and bitter stories of our love lives, whenever one was currently in existence. I remember when she was telling us about this new guy she was seeing, how she'd known him almost forever, but she is too nervous to probably introduce the guy to us in the beginning, and so begun her secret dating. A few months later, they are engaged and subsequently, they are married. Two years on, and right now, she is about to celebrate Ammar’s first birthday by the end of the year. The first GirlyGirl’s baby.
I wept silently in my heart at her wedding. At the time I wasn't sure why I did. I just attributed it to heightened emotions. Lucky me, nobody saw the tiny tears flowing down my cheek. It will be an embarrassment at that point of time.
Too many weddings than I can recall have passed since then, many of which were of friends of the same age, whom I went to school with. Some of them I had known since I started school at 7, some of them whom I had known later, but became close to. Most of the weddings were of girls I was - am - friends with, but were never particularly close to. Attending all those weddings, I never really got teary, with the exception of Sofi's, of course. Like I said, none were particularly close friends. This year, and the next two or so, my diary will be filled with the weddings of friends whom I am actually close to.
Yesterday, I attended the wedding - akad nikah - of Yan. I've known her since… I can't even remember. She was my house mate back in ITM. We were always on friendly terms. The years after our schooling saw us maintaining that friendship, mainly through the GirlyGirl network. I guess I never told her how honored I felt that she invited me to witness such an important event in her life, and to share her joy today. Anyway, the point is that of all the weddings I've attended to date, hers and Sofi's were more personal than all the others. And off course, for all the Gurlygurls as well.
I knew her when she was still like budak Darjah 4 back in PPP 8 years ago. On Sunday she became somebody's wife.
I felt such a pang seeing her all dressed up for her wedding. She was so calm, so composed. So ready. I watched her demurely sit on the cushion in the masjid, listening to her very-very-soon-to-be husband recite the akad. I watched her serene expression as the lafaz was accepted by the wali and witnesses. She looked very grown up. She was all grown up.
Seeing her so composed helped me hold back my own tears. I don't know what I was tearing over, but her composure saved my own. However, had I been closer to her, no doubt there would be no holding them back. I can only imagine what it must have been like for the other Girls, who are all much closer to her than I.
"Bee, do you think things will change after I get married?"
"Duh!" <-- sarcastic married Mr Bee.
"I don't want things to change."
I know too well what that feels like. The first time I heard those words, I was the one who spoke them. The circumstances, however, were extremely different. She would be marrying and leaving me behind. I didn't want things to change. Well, I did want them to change, but not that way.
Marriage. All these friends have grown up, taking on new responsibilities willingly, embracing them with open arms. Two years ago, the thought of a commitment of that scale makes me want to run to the ends of the world. Look at me now, I am committed to a wonderful guy whom I love so much as well.
You see, marriages seem so ... cheap, what with the frequency of divorces nowadays. I don't condemn people who settle for divorce. As my mother once told me, you make the best decisions you can, but even then, they may ultimately turn out to be wrong. Your only options then are to either sleep in the bed you made, or admit your mistake and start over.
But despite of being married for the past 6 months, weddings still get to me. I'm aware of just how much dedication it takes to make a commitment like marriage, and I'm in awe that these couples have it in them.
When I think about my current responsibility by taking care of someone else, I feel so nice to give part of myself unconditionally, willingly, and derive joy from it.
And I think that it is truthfully nice to have someone like Mr Bee whom unconditionally, willingly to be responsible for me, to care for my every need, and that I could give him joy by it.
And I think it is nice to have that for the rest of my life.
Now I know why I get teary at weddings.
Yes, it has finally happened.
The Totz is well and truly married.
It has been a very hectic weekend for Koyan, what with Yan and her mom making their way to Putrajaya and everywhere almost every day. Yan in her usual way has left everything and nothing for us to help.
But, I must say, today was worth every bit of it.
And more, had it been necessary.
She was resplendant in a pure white.
Despite the miniscule, no-one-can-see her a bit senget tudong from the pulling and adjusting of the anak tudong, she looked gorgeous, beautiful and sweet.
I resent the fact that all the GirlyGirls had pegged Matun out for a 'crier'. But I have to admit that everybody was a little misty eyed. Especially when I recalled some of the conversations Yan and I had on the phone during the week running up to the wedding.
Oh I don't think I can do a full review. Too emotional at the moment.
Just a note to say congratulations to my wonderful darling friend, Koyan and Mawie. May everything be blessed and may the days to come be filled with enough challenges to keep you both strong and enough joy to keep you both happy.
Another of the Girlygirls wedding has passed. More to come...
Weddings get to me. They didn't use to, but in the past few years, they have.
I suppose it all started with my fren- Sofi's wedding slightly over 2 years ago. She is one of my theraphy frens, besides Amla, Yan, Matun, Mikun, Shara and Nita. We hung out together most of de times, we knew each other's parents, we did lunches and dinners, we bitch about ourselves, and we shared happy and bitter stories of our love lives, whenever one was currently in existence. I remember when she was telling us about this new guy she was seeing, how she'd known him almost forever, but she is too nervous to probably introduce the guy to us in the beginning, and so begun her secret dating. A few months later, they are engaged and subsequently, they are married. Two years on, and right now, she is about to celebrate Ammar’s first birthday by the end of the year. The first GirlyGirl’s baby.
I wept silently in my heart at her wedding. At the time I wasn't sure why I did. I just attributed it to heightened emotions. Lucky me, nobody saw the tiny tears flowing down my cheek. It will be an embarrassment at that point of time.
Too many weddings than I can recall have passed since then, many of which were of friends of the same age, whom I went to school with. Some of them I had known since I started school at 7, some of them whom I had known later, but became close to. Most of the weddings were of girls I was - am - friends with, but were never particularly close to. Attending all those weddings, I never really got teary, with the exception of Sofi's, of course. Like I said, none were particularly close friends. This year, and the next two or so, my diary will be filled with the weddings of friends whom I am actually close to.
Yesterday, I attended the wedding - akad nikah - of Yan. I've known her since… I can't even remember. She was my house mate back in ITM. We were always on friendly terms. The years after our schooling saw us maintaining that friendship, mainly through the GirlyGirl network. I guess I never told her how honored I felt that she invited me to witness such an important event in her life, and to share her joy today. Anyway, the point is that of all the weddings I've attended to date, hers and Sofi's were more personal than all the others. And off course, for all the Gurlygurls as well.
I knew her when she was still like budak Darjah 4 back in PPP 8 years ago. On Sunday she became somebody's wife.
I felt such a pang seeing her all dressed up for her wedding. She was so calm, so composed. So ready. I watched her demurely sit on the cushion in the masjid, listening to her very-very-soon-to-be husband recite the akad. I watched her serene expression as the lafaz was accepted by the wali and witnesses. She looked very grown up. She was all grown up.
Seeing her so composed helped me hold back my own tears. I don't know what I was tearing over, but her composure saved my own. However, had I been closer to her, no doubt there would be no holding them back. I can only imagine what it must have been like for the other Girls, who are all much closer to her than I.
"Bee, do you think things will change after I get married?"
"Duh!" <-- sarcastic married Mr Bee.
"I don't want things to change."
I know too well what that feels like. The first time I heard those words, I was the one who spoke them. The circumstances, however, were extremely different. She would be marrying and leaving me behind. I didn't want things to change. Well, I did want them to change, but not that way.
Marriage. All these friends have grown up, taking on new responsibilities willingly, embracing them with open arms. Two years ago, the thought of a commitment of that scale makes me want to run to the ends of the world. Look at me now, I am committed to a wonderful guy whom I love so much as well.
You see, marriages seem so ... cheap, what with the frequency of divorces nowadays. I don't condemn people who settle for divorce. As my mother once told me, you make the best decisions you can, but even then, they may ultimately turn out to be wrong. Your only options then are to either sleep in the bed you made, or admit your mistake and start over.
But despite of being married for the past 6 months, weddings still get to me. I'm aware of just how much dedication it takes to make a commitment like marriage, and I'm in awe that these couples have it in them.
When I think about my current responsibility by taking care of someone else, I feel so nice to give part of myself unconditionally, willingly, and derive joy from it.
And I think that it is truthfully nice to have someone like Mr Bee whom unconditionally, willingly to be responsible for me, to care for my every need, and that I could give him joy by it.
And I think it is nice to have that for the rest of my life.
Now I know why I get teary at weddings.
Sunday, November 28, 2004
You know sometimes in the car, on the way to work, you have that particular song humming on the radio, which break the silence between both of you, you will smile to each other, singing helplessly to that song, despite not knowing the full lyrics, and singing it out of tunes. But you feel completely so in love with that song, and off course, feel so madly deeply in love with the person sitting next to you. For me and Mr Bee, here is our song, at the moment..enjoy :)
.: RESHMONU - IT'S YOU THAT MATTERS :.
verse 1:
time, has its way
to show me the reason for living
the world and all its splendour
gives me a sense of believing
that our love,
will shine thru,
and will keep us,
keep us forever,
and our love,
will pull us thru,
the bad times and keep us together
.chorus:
i don’t wanna fight this feeling no more
wanna love you and love you, its you i adore
cause its you that matters
just the sight of you throws my heart ashore
and the joy you bring opens up my door
cause its you that matters
verse 2:
my love, need to bloom
like a flower a process unencumbered
that want, should i feel
when that trail i truly discovered
that our love,
will shine thru,
and will keep us,
keep us forever,
and our love,
will pull us thru,
the bad times and keep us together
.chorusrap:
big up, big up
necessary noise
straight from kenya with the underground noise
pick up, pick up… who
nazizi…
straight from kenya yo nairobi
pick up, pick up… who
the bombzi
daft the superman yo, you know my steeze
pick up, pick up
necessary noise
straight from kenya with the underground noise
swahili rap
nazizi:
oh lord,
now your body design,
you know me drive wild with me high all of the time
bamzi:
on the rear view i like your style
you sweet,
something special,
something that i gotta keep you deep
nazizi:
oh lord
bamzi:
the way you do your thing,
the way smile
the way you holler when you suddenly it a really wild
nazizi:
oh lord
bamzi:
man… you look good
nazizi:
who me?
yea y’all… lets take it back to the origin
.chorus
chorus
i love you baby,
that’s right,
cause you are the only one that matters,
you know,
the only one baby,
i’m outta here.
.: RESHMONU - IT'S YOU THAT MATTERS :.
verse 1:
time, has its way
to show me the reason for living
the world and all its splendour
gives me a sense of believing
that our love,
will shine thru,
and will keep us,
keep us forever,
and our love,
will pull us thru,
the bad times and keep us together
.chorus:
i don’t wanna fight this feeling no more
wanna love you and love you, its you i adore
cause its you that matters
just the sight of you throws my heart ashore
and the joy you bring opens up my door
cause its you that matters
verse 2:
my love, need to bloom
like a flower a process unencumbered
that want, should i feel
when that trail i truly discovered
that our love,
will shine thru,
and will keep us,
keep us forever,
and our love,
will pull us thru,
the bad times and keep us together
.chorusrap:
big up, big up
necessary noise
straight from kenya with the underground noise
pick up, pick up… who
nazizi…
straight from kenya yo nairobi
pick up, pick up… who
the bombzi
daft the superman yo, you know my steeze
pick up, pick up
necessary noise
straight from kenya with the underground noise
swahili rap
nazizi:
oh lord,
now your body design,
you know me drive wild with me high all of the time
bamzi:
on the rear view i like your style
you sweet,
something special,
something that i gotta keep you deep
nazizi:
oh lord
bamzi:
the way you do your thing,
the way smile
the way you holler when you suddenly it a really wild
nazizi:
oh lord
bamzi:
man… you look good
nazizi:
who me?
yea y’all… lets take it back to the origin
.chorus
chorus
i love you baby,
that’s right,
cause you are the only one that matters,
you know,
the only one baby,
i’m outta here.
Friday, November 26, 2004
Your Pregnancy: 5 Weeks
How your baby's growing: Deep in your uterus your embryo is growing at a furious pace. At this point he's about the size of a sesame seed, and he looks more like a tiny tadpole than a human.
He's now made up of three layers — the ectoderm, mesoderm, and endoderm — that will later form his organs and tissues.
The cells are forming for his major organs, including his kidneys and liver, and his neural tube is beginning to develop.
This neural tube — from which your baby's brain, spinal cord, nerves, and backbone will sprout — develops in the top layer, called the ectoderm. This layer will also give rise to his skin, hair, nails, mammary and sweat glands, and tooth enamel.
His heart and circulatory system begin to form in the middle layer, or mesoderm. (This week, in fact, his tiny heart begins to divide into chambers and beat and pump blood.)
The mesoderm will also form your baby's muscles, cartilage, bone, and subcutaneous (under skin) tissue. The third layer, or endoderm, will house his lungs, intestines, and rudimentary urinary system, as well as his thyroid, liver, and pancreas.
In the meantime, the primitive placenta and umbilical cord, which deliver nourishment and oxygen to your baby, are already on the job.*
Note: Experts say every baby develops differently — even in the womb. This developmental information is designed to give you a general idea of how your baby is growing.
How your life's changing:
Pregnancy symptoms may surface this week if they haven't already. I
f you're like most women, you'll notice nausea (and not just in the morning), sore breasts, fatigue, and frequent urination.
All are normal, all are annoying, but the upside is that they're all a part of being pregnant and won't last forever.
The outside world won't see any sign of the dramatic developments taking place inside you.
You'll also want to continue or start an exercise routine. Exercise helps you develop good muscle tone, strength, and endurance; plus, it helps you manage the extra weight you'll be carrying and get ready for the physical rigors of labor.
You'll also find that bouncing back after you give birth will be easier if you've already established a workout routine. Choose a safe, moderately vigorous activity you like (walking and swimming are fine choices for pregnant women).
For Dads, there are plenty of ways to participate in your partner's pregnancy — even this early in the game.
Source: Babycenter.com
How your baby's growing: Deep in your uterus your embryo is growing at a furious pace. At this point he's about the size of a sesame seed, and he looks more like a tiny tadpole than a human.
He's now made up of three layers — the ectoderm, mesoderm, and endoderm — that will later form his organs and tissues.
The cells are forming for his major organs, including his kidneys and liver, and his neural tube is beginning to develop.
This neural tube — from which your baby's brain, spinal cord, nerves, and backbone will sprout — develops in the top layer, called the ectoderm. This layer will also give rise to his skin, hair, nails, mammary and sweat glands, and tooth enamel.
His heart and circulatory system begin to form in the middle layer, or mesoderm. (This week, in fact, his tiny heart begins to divide into chambers and beat and pump blood.)
The mesoderm will also form your baby's muscles, cartilage, bone, and subcutaneous (under skin) tissue. The third layer, or endoderm, will house his lungs, intestines, and rudimentary urinary system, as well as his thyroid, liver, and pancreas.
In the meantime, the primitive placenta and umbilical cord, which deliver nourishment and oxygen to your baby, are already on the job.*
Note: Experts say every baby develops differently — even in the womb. This developmental information is designed to give you a general idea of how your baby is growing.
How your life's changing:
Pregnancy symptoms may surface this week if they haven't already. I
f you're like most women, you'll notice nausea (and not just in the morning), sore breasts, fatigue, and frequent urination.
All are normal, all are annoying, but the upside is that they're all a part of being pregnant and won't last forever.
The outside world won't see any sign of the dramatic developments taking place inside you.
You'll also want to continue or start an exercise routine. Exercise helps you develop good muscle tone, strength, and endurance; plus, it helps you manage the extra weight you'll be carrying and get ready for the physical rigors of labor.
You'll also find that bouncing back after you give birth will be easier if you've already established a workout routine. Choose a safe, moderately vigorous activity you like (walking and swimming are fine choices for pregnant women).
For Dads, there are plenty of ways to participate in your partner's pregnancy — even this early in the game.
Source: Babycenter.com
Thursday, November 25, 2004
Clear Blue says -It's Positive, my dear.
From Just the two of us to 2 suku
I am now in my 5 weeks of my journey to MotherHood.
It was confirmed yesterday morning by the Soft spoken Doc of Klinik Zarif in Menara Telekom where I did my medical check up as a requirement for my Master Degree which will start next week.
I didnt like the Doc. She was so quiet, and not being so informative. Being a doc, you should be able to explain and advise your patient of their conditions.
"Rahayu, awak tak payah buat X-Ray, confirm ye awak 5 minggu pregnant"said the nurse
"Huh? What? I beg your pardon miss?"
"Awak 5 minggu pregnant. Tak payah buat X-Ray. Sila masuk jumpa doctor"
I mutely stared at the nurse. I nearly fainted. My hands were shaking.
5 minutes later as I walked out...
"Rahayu kene bayar 30 ringgit yer." said the nurse again.
"OK"
"Erm, do I have to go to the hospital to double confirm the test? Confirm ke saya pregnant nie kak?"
"Eh, confirm. Tak payah dah pegi hospital buat test lain. Awak mmg dah confirm 5 weeks pregnant". "Awak tahu bila awak punye delivery date?"
"Tak tahu"
"Doctor tak cakap?"
"Tak"
"Kenapa awak tak tanya tadi?"
"Erm, saya tak tahu apa nak tanya"
Nurse- smiling.
Hey, what do you expect? Its my first time. I dont even know how to react, even worse I am clueless of what to ask.
"Boleh check kan utk saya ke?"
"Sekejap ye"
"Delivery date- 27 July 2005 ye"
"OK, thanks"
I slowly walked out of the clinic. Then I called Mr Bee:
"Bee, Im pregnant. Dah 5 weeks"
"Are u sure? Kite pegi hospital double check nak?"
"No need. The clinic said its confirmed."
"Yahuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu, im gonna be a daddy!!"
From then on, Mr Bee keep on calling me once in every hour. Just to know whether Im doing OK.
Scared. Extremely happy. Mix of both feelings.
Wish me luck.
I am so so speechless right now.
From Just the two of us to 2 suku
I am now in my 5 weeks of my journey to MotherHood.
It was confirmed yesterday morning by the Soft spoken Doc of Klinik Zarif in Menara Telekom where I did my medical check up as a requirement for my Master Degree which will start next week.
I didnt like the Doc. She was so quiet, and not being so informative. Being a doc, you should be able to explain and advise your patient of their conditions.
"Rahayu, awak tak payah buat X-Ray, confirm ye awak 5 minggu pregnant"said the nurse
"Huh? What? I beg your pardon miss?"
"Awak 5 minggu pregnant. Tak payah buat X-Ray. Sila masuk jumpa doctor"
I mutely stared at the nurse. I nearly fainted. My hands were shaking.
5 minutes later as I walked out...
"Rahayu kene bayar 30 ringgit yer." said the nurse again.
"OK"
"Erm, do I have to go to the hospital to double confirm the test? Confirm ke saya pregnant nie kak?"
"Eh, confirm. Tak payah dah pegi hospital buat test lain. Awak mmg dah confirm 5 weeks pregnant". "Awak tahu bila awak punye delivery date?"
"Tak tahu"
"Doctor tak cakap?"
"Tak"
"Kenapa awak tak tanya tadi?"
"Erm, saya tak tahu apa nak tanya"
Nurse- smiling.
Hey, what do you expect? Its my first time. I dont even know how to react, even worse I am clueless of what to ask.
"Boleh check kan utk saya ke?"
"Sekejap ye"
"Delivery date- 27 July 2005 ye"
"OK, thanks"
I slowly walked out of the clinic. Then I called Mr Bee:
"Bee, Im pregnant. Dah 5 weeks"
"Are u sure? Kite pegi hospital double check nak?"
"No need. The clinic said its confirmed."
"Yahuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu, im gonna be a daddy!!"
From then on, Mr Bee keep on calling me once in every hour. Just to know whether Im doing OK.
Scared. Extremely happy. Mix of both feelings.
Wish me luck.
I am so so speechless right now.
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
The Fight
Last night I caught myself warning a friend that cynicism is attractive, and once we succumb, is highly addictive.
How "terkena batang hidung sendiri" that statement was...
Too often, we allow ourselves to succumb to the dark side. There are even times when we gleefully jump in.
A broken heart. A lost love. A forgotten dream. A million and one things or events that accelerate our soul on its path to "the real world", one that is full of cynicism and hopelessness.
It's easy to think that the world is out to get us, that each and every soul we come across must view us with lenses tinted with stereotypes and negative perceptions.
It's even socially acceptable to lament. Cynics are considered worldly, while optimists are often told to get back to the "real world".
A positive outlook, however unsexy and untrendy it may be, is a fragile thing. Like peace, we have to fight to keep it.
Last night I caught myself warning a friend that cynicism is attractive, and once we succumb, is highly addictive.
How "terkena batang hidung sendiri" that statement was...
Too often, we allow ourselves to succumb to the dark side. There are even times when we gleefully jump in.
A broken heart. A lost love. A forgotten dream. A million and one things or events that accelerate our soul on its path to "the real world", one that is full of cynicism and hopelessness.
It's easy to think that the world is out to get us, that each and every soul we come across must view us with lenses tinted with stereotypes and negative perceptions.
It's even socially acceptable to lament. Cynics are considered worldly, while optimists are often told to get back to the "real world".
A positive outlook, however unsexy and untrendy it may be, is a fragile thing. Like peace, we have to fight to keep it.
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